What an utter mess of a movie. Standing at 6.9 on IMDB I decided to give this baby a shot and fuck all those fuckers who rated it so high and thus tricked me.
The first 10-15 minutes supply a solid setup and the movie looks and feels like it has the chance to be something special. Spoilers coming so be warned.
The first kill of the movie and the onset of the crazies are well done. From there it turns into a hodgepodgian mess that can't decide if it's a thriller or a horror or a horror thriller, if it's a disease that turns people loopy or into zombies. It has no idea at all.
All the high points are the typical horror movie high points but it's like the writer/director tries to hide their obviousness in a meandering pool of drawn out tension scenes and drawn out walking scenes. Here's the thing right, when you know exactly what's going to happen, having it happen slowly doesn't help your movie, it annoys the viewer.
Once the action starts, everything happens so easily for the hero. He gets back into town, he finds everyone he needs to find, he does this, he does that. It never feels real. Everything just happens like hundreds of movies before.
The wife in the movie was also a major downer. She wasn't pleasant to look at and it was too stock of a character. I cringed when he proclaimed he had to stay in town cause he was the sheriff, to which she retorts that she has to stay in town because she's the doctor! Just do what the dude says and get the fuck out of town bitch.
Once he's transported out of town it takes him about 5 seconds to find a way back. Just humorous, but really.
Once the gang is together and they're trying to get out of town you can never be sure what it is they're supposed to be fighting. People go from homicidal and whacked out to what appear to zombies even though whenever it suits the film the crazies talk and cajole just like regular rednecks.
There is a lot of walking in this movie. Watching people walk is not a lot of fun.
A good premise that devolves into typical fare with an overinflated sense of it's own quality that really is a bit of chore to watch.
The only Crazies here are the people that payed to see it.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Drag Me To Hell: 77 Out Of 100 Stars
Very fun little slapstick horror from Raimi who does slapstick horror like nobody else. Perhaps the best thing I can say about the film is that it feels very light and tight. There's no extraneous fluff, overproducing or useless shit. It has a course, delivers it's scares and jokes, and despite a predictable ending, gets to it with almost no clutter.
Every actor is spot on and just like the film itself they aren't too heavy handed. At times it almost feels like A TV show with the ease at which it moves. There are a couple of really classic scenes, the parking garage being one that just left me in fucking stitches AND caused me to jump more than a few times.
It's not exactly a classic but it's one of the better films of the year to be sure.
Believe me when I tell you, you'll enjoy being drug to hell.
Every actor is spot on and just like the film itself they aren't too heavy handed. At times it almost feels like A TV show with the ease at which it moves. There are a couple of really classic scenes, the parking garage being one that just left me in fucking stitches AND caused me to jump more than a few times.
It's not exactly a classic but it's one of the better films of the year to be sure.
Believe me when I tell you, you'll enjoy being drug to hell.
The Goods: 71 Out Of 100 Stars
What we got here is a very funny movie, hoisted by it's own petard in so much as they have a lead who while committing fully to the silliness of the film, is a solid enough actor that when he tries to get serious, it sort of takes us out of the film. In other words when Will Ferrell gets serious it's still clear you're watching satire, but when Piven does it it sort of feels out of place.
That being said, besides the lulls when it tries to tell an honest story, this is a pretty awesome raunchy comedy.
There really isn't much meat to the story. Piven plays a renegade car dealer for hire and when A Temequla car dealer is facing the loss of his dealership he hires Piven and his team to help him save his business.
There are a ton of characters, none fleshed out enough to bore but all distinct enough to provide ample laughs when it's their turn to fire off one liners.
Kathryn Hahn is fucking edible as a sex kitten wantonly lusting after a 10 year old boy in hilarious fashion. My only complaint is that they didn't go quite as far as I had hoped.
Ving Rhames as a man looking for love, Tony Hale as a dunce with a fat family. That Asian dude is funny. There's a racist and then there's Andy from The Office and Allan Thicke, both awesome as a father/son team who run a competing dealership.
Not every joke hits, but the general tones all pretty much do and even if a joke misfires there's another one coming about 10 seconds later. It's like a machine gun of adult humor that shows no bashfulness.
There's a cameo near the end that had me rolling on the floor.
So yeah, The Goods is Goods.
That being said, besides the lulls when it tries to tell an honest story, this is a pretty awesome raunchy comedy.
There really isn't much meat to the story. Piven plays a renegade car dealer for hire and when A Temequla car dealer is facing the loss of his dealership he hires Piven and his team to help him save his business.
There are a ton of characters, none fleshed out enough to bore but all distinct enough to provide ample laughs when it's their turn to fire off one liners.
Kathryn Hahn is fucking edible as a sex kitten wantonly lusting after a 10 year old boy in hilarious fashion. My only complaint is that they didn't go quite as far as I had hoped.
Ving Rhames as a man looking for love, Tony Hale as a dunce with a fat family. That Asian dude is funny. There's a racist and then there's Andy from The Office and Allan Thicke, both awesome as a father/son team who run a competing dealership.
Not every joke hits, but the general tones all pretty much do and even if a joke misfires there's another one coming about 10 seconds later. It's like a machine gun of adult humor that shows no bashfulness.
There's a cameo near the end that had me rolling on the floor.
So yeah, The Goods is Goods.
Trailer Park Boys, Countdown To Liquour Day: 83 Out Of 100 Stars
I have to admit that for the first 30 minutes or so I was kind of like "OK, let's kick this thing into gear", but the more I watched the more I came to appreciate how good a movie, not just comedy, this movie was. Don't get me wrong, it's funny as fuck, but it's also maybe the best job they've done of building characters and progressing those characters story lines, in the entire arc of the show.
The fact that in the end, it all just comes around to the same dudes making the same mistakes and facing the same consequences just brought a smile to face. The more things change, the more they stay the same, especially when you're just not smart enough to ever avoid it.
I could go on and on but I really like the way Bubbles and J-Roc evolved in this one. In the span of the show Bubbles certainly morphed into clearly the brightest of the gang and I like that. He's a simpleton yes, but he also has a common sense that neither Jullian or Ricky have. The arc with J-Roc was really a nice surprise as he sort of just up and realizes that all this law breaking shit is just stupid. Maybe his dream might not ever come to fruition, but it sure as fuck can't come to fruition behind bars. Ricky has the same sort of epiphany but it comes in typical Ricky fashion, cutting off his nose despite his face and then cutting off his whole face cause he's pissed his nose is gone.
Maybe I'm just a dunce but I really got sucked in by Leahy and Randy. Every fuckin arc of theirs starts with them in a good place and then of course it all goes bad and I'm sitting there screaming "Nooooo, you're doing so well!!" But it wouldn't be TPB if they didn't eventually fall of their respective wagons.
Just so much about this film to love. The old staples get relied on but they add some freshness. The gay undertones with the whole gang, the camera crew finally being addressed and even being given a nice part in the whole scheme, it's just all so much fun.
In the end it was everything I was hoping for and more.
You'll have a blast at this Trailer Park.
The fact that in the end, it all just comes around to the same dudes making the same mistakes and facing the same consequences just brought a smile to face. The more things change, the more they stay the same, especially when you're just not smart enough to ever avoid it.
I could go on and on but I really like the way Bubbles and J-Roc evolved in this one. In the span of the show Bubbles certainly morphed into clearly the brightest of the gang and I like that. He's a simpleton yes, but he also has a common sense that neither Jullian or Ricky have. The arc with J-Roc was really a nice surprise as he sort of just up and realizes that all this law breaking shit is just stupid. Maybe his dream might not ever come to fruition, but it sure as fuck can't come to fruition behind bars. Ricky has the same sort of epiphany but it comes in typical Ricky fashion, cutting off his nose despite his face and then cutting off his whole face cause he's pissed his nose is gone.
Maybe I'm just a dunce but I really got sucked in by Leahy and Randy. Every fuckin arc of theirs starts with them in a good place and then of course it all goes bad and I'm sitting there screaming "Nooooo, you're doing so well!!" But it wouldn't be TPB if they didn't eventually fall of their respective wagons.
Just so much about this film to love. The old staples get relied on but they add some freshness. The gay undertones with the whole gang, the camera crew finally being addressed and even being given a nice part in the whole scheme, it's just all so much fun.
In the end it was everything I was hoping for and more.
You'll have a blast at this Trailer Park.
BitchSlap: 72 Out Of 100 Stars
I'm giving this one such a good rating on the sheer basis that I feel absolutely confounded trying to figure out if I liked it or not. I mean, I enjoyed the fuck out of watching it, but I'm not real sure why.
It's pure camp to be sure, but it's intent is to be pure camp, so does that lessen itself? I honestly don't know.
There really is nothing to the story. It's just 3 hot girls out in the dessert looking for some sort of treasure. It's filled with purposely wretched DIALOGUE and one liners that made me giggle at their absurdity more often than not, so there ya go.
I will say this now that I think back on watching it. The actual gun fights and action scenes are damn well done and enjoyable. The 3 main character (all hot chicks) are nice to look at it and even though there is no real nudity it's still pleasing to the eye.
When the movie isn't focused on the girls in the dessert it's showing us flashbacks that are all ludicrously green screened to the point of cringe, but again, that's on purpose, so how do you take it? And again, I laughed more often than not so there you go once more.
I guess what I've been trying to say is that I really liked this movie and at the same time apologize for liking it, which is weak of me. Fuck that. It's a fun movie. Watch it.
It's pure camp to be sure, but it's intent is to be pure camp, so does that lessen itself? I honestly don't know.
There really is nothing to the story. It's just 3 hot girls out in the dessert looking for some sort of treasure. It's filled with purposely wretched DIALOGUE and one liners that made me giggle at their absurdity more often than not, so there ya go.
I will say this now that I think back on watching it. The actual gun fights and action scenes are damn well done and enjoyable. The 3 main character (all hot chicks) are nice to look at it and even though there is no real nudity it's still pleasing to the eye.
When the movie isn't focused on the girls in the dessert it's showing us flashbacks that are all ludicrously green screened to the point of cringe, but again, that's on purpose, so how do you take it? And again, I laughed more often than not so there you go once more.
I guess what I've been trying to say is that I really liked this movie and at the same time apologize for liking it, which is weak of me. Fuck that. It's a fun movie. Watch it.
Land Of The Lost: 68 Out Of 100 Stars
Ya know why I like Will Ferrell? Cause he's smart enough to be the star but also surround himself with enough funny people and allow them to shine to the point that he almost becomes part of the ensemble. I dunno, just a thought I had.
I liked this movie. I was pleasantly surprised at how nicely they took the story and sort of reinvented it. They made it fresh but kept enough of the original shows ideas to also give it a nice homagey feel.
There's a pretty fine line being walked all the way thru of actually trying to tell a story and at the same time parody it, but the fact that they never take it too seriously works well. The supporting cast is awesome especially the girl from Pushing Daisies who is just scrumptious.
So yeah, it aint raucous or nothing but I had a fun time watching it.
You'll enjoy this Land, trust me.
I liked this movie. I was pleasantly surprised at how nicely they took the story and sort of reinvented it. They made it fresh but kept enough of the original shows ideas to also give it a nice homagey feel.
There's a pretty fine line being walked all the way thru of actually trying to tell a story and at the same time parody it, but the fact that they never take it too seriously works well. The supporting cast is awesome especially the girl from Pushing Daisies who is just scrumptious.
So yeah, it aint raucous or nothing but I had a fun time watching it.
You'll enjoy this Land, trust me.
The Incredible Hulk: 34 Out Of 100 Stars
So I was pretty hyped to sit down and finally watch this. Don't know why the fancy struck me all of the sudden but I said to myself "self, you liked the TV show, you like Ed Norton, let's have a good time".
And then what I had always considered one of the more important aspects of the Hulk character was explained in the 2 minutes the opening credits ran via flashback montage. To say I was peeved would be an understatement.
I'm guessing this movie is based on the comic book lineage and aimed more at the fans of it, but even so, as a movie it's pretty bad. I guess the worst indictment I could give it is that it completely lacks heart. The story, the actors, it's all just going thru the motions. You can almost see the look of resignation on their faces as they deliver lines. They might as well be doing dinner theater for all they seem to care.
There's just so much shit about this movie that annoyed the fuck out of me. I'll start with the effects. I'm of the opinion that Hulk should be man sized. Giant man sized yes, but still man sized. The CGI pissed me off but I knew what that was gonna look like going in and I still kept an open mind. The other big thing was the complete lack of any coherent story or reasoning or forethought or any of that shit. It was just a meandering menagerie of scenes for the sake of scenes.
Top secret radiation weapons being kept in what appears to be a fucking closet that anyone can walk in to. Major body altering super science surgeries being done not in a top secret hospital or building but in a tent behind a shower curtain. Tim Roth who appears to have no motive to do anything but does so with startling vigor. And here's a fucking question for ya, If William Hurt can just create a fucking super solider, what the fuck does he want the Hulk for? I mean, the minute Roth comes out of his first surgery wouldn't you just say "welp, that went good, we'll just make a bunch of you, fuck Banner". But I guess that makes too much sense.
It's just a big dumb action movie with wooden acting, a few cringe worthy attempts at wink wink humor and a story that could fit on the back of a napkin. Fuck this movie.
And then what I had always considered one of the more important aspects of the Hulk character was explained in the 2 minutes the opening credits ran via flashback montage. To say I was peeved would be an understatement.
I'm guessing this movie is based on the comic book lineage and aimed more at the fans of it, but even so, as a movie it's pretty bad. I guess the worst indictment I could give it is that it completely lacks heart. The story, the actors, it's all just going thru the motions. You can almost see the look of resignation on their faces as they deliver lines. They might as well be doing dinner theater for all they seem to care.
There's just so much shit about this movie that annoyed the fuck out of me. I'll start with the effects. I'm of the opinion that Hulk should be man sized. Giant man sized yes, but still man sized. The CGI pissed me off but I knew what that was gonna look like going in and I still kept an open mind. The other big thing was the complete lack of any coherent story or reasoning or forethought or any of that shit. It was just a meandering menagerie of scenes for the sake of scenes.
Top secret radiation weapons being kept in what appears to be a fucking closet that anyone can walk in to. Major body altering super science surgeries being done not in a top secret hospital or building but in a tent behind a shower curtain. Tim Roth who appears to have no motive to do anything but does so with startling vigor. And here's a fucking question for ya, If William Hurt can just create a fucking super solider, what the fuck does he want the Hulk for? I mean, the minute Roth comes out of his first surgery wouldn't you just say "welp, that went good, we'll just make a bunch of you, fuck Banner". But I guess that makes too much sense.
It's just a big dumb action movie with wooden acting, a few cringe worthy attempts at wink wink humor and a story that could fit on the back of a napkin. Fuck this movie.
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