Oy vey. A promising opening 10 minutes gives way to one of the more wretched horror movies i've seen in a while. Thing is, it follows the formula to a tee and is still tedious to watch.
The opening few moments of the film are pretty strong as we're introduced to the Mary Hatchet character. A young girl who went kind of crazy and killed her folks. Years in a mental institution drove her even crazier until she was finally put down after a second killing spree. The idea of a hot chick walking around naked, killing people, really had me juiced up.
Unfortunately the film then jumps to present day and focuses on a bunch of kids who are celebrating the anniversary of Marys murderous rampage by holding a graveside seance and a house party.
The filmmakers seem to understand what parts are needed to build a horror movie, they just don't have a fucking clue how to actually make a movie. Let's put it this way, when teenage tits and teenagers fucking bore me, you've really gone off track.
The biggest problem is the dialogue. Never before have high school seniors been so excited to use a blender. Everything is exciting to these people, everyone is constantly talking and laughing but I'm not sure at what. It's as if the script just instructed everyone to banter or mumble. There are even moments when it's clear the audio is being recycled. Just super low rent. But that's almost better than the insufferable dialogue. It's like this, ya know when you have to take a shit but you aren't near a toilet and you're trying to relax but you're stomach is going nuts and the last thing you want is people talking to you and bothering you? That's what trying to watch these characters is like. The movie had to have been written by the most annoying dude on planet earth.
Anyway, there is a lot of titty and sexuality but the makers also seem to love the idea of editing as nothing is given enough time to be focused on. Constant cuts, and teenagers yelling and laughing at anything and everything. It gave me a fucking headache when i should have been chubbing up.
Once the story starts to unfold it gets even more ridiculous as people run scared from something they have no reason to be scared of, and scream some more. The gore is abundant, but most of the kills are weak looking.
Just a downer of a film that looked somewhat promising.
This fucker doesn't deserve a tag line. Just don't fucking watch it.
No comments:
Post a Comment