Billy Zane, Lacy Chabert, Danielle Harris & Richard Tyson lead an All-Star cast. Ok, AA All-Stars, but still.
Story of an Indy movie studio whose offices are in the same house in which something horrific may have occurred years earlier. They've sold the building and it's scheduled for demolition in a few days but first they have to finish the editing and reshoots on their most recent film. Will whatever is haunting the building let them finish? Will lots of shit move for unexplained reasons? Will doors slam shut without warning? Will Richard Tyson die too fucking quickly? Will girls take showers for no good reason other than to show some boobies? YES to all these things. Sorry to spoil anything for you.
The tension is good, the effects are solid and Billy Zane is actually awesome as the head of the studio, delivering mostly comedic lines with aplomb. No matter how much weird shit happens, he just wants to get his movie finished. That is until he can't deny something really weird is going on. By the time they agree they all need to get out of there, Zane even stops to joyously point out the black guy, it may be too late.
So after pissing me off by killing poor Richard Tyson off in the first five minutes, an old lady shows up at the studio and sort of alludes to the past horrors that have happened, but mostly just talks in riddles and shit. It takes her a good hour of film time and a couple of deaths to reveal that "there are things you need to know", well shit lady, don't be in any rush.
Besides Zane, the blonde hottie who gets her tits out, and maybe the black dude, nobody else in the cast really stands out. Chabert, who is my 2nd favorite flavor of Chabert, right behind orange, looks good but doesn't add much. Danielle Harris is really more of a bit player till the end. The script does become bogged down in the 3rd act. The whole story of what happened in the house previously is treated like a fucking film unto itself when it need not be. The deal with how do they get out or should they even try and get out, and an apparent lack of doors, becomes a frustrating circle of bad writing that seems to serve as filler to stretch the movies run time, a genre staple, but annoying nun the less. The saving grace is that the kills are good and fun and Zanes comedic chops, I can't even believe I'm typing that, but yes, Zanes comedic chops are enough to alleviate the slow stretches.
Funny, great gore and solid kills. High tension, hot chicks and boobies, and a performance from Billy Zane that's amazingly awesome are enough to counter a bit of a jumbled script. Ghost Of Goodnight Lane is just a fun fucking pot of horror stew.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
13 Eerie: 63 Out Of 100 Stars
Canadian horror film that has a decently fresh premise and despite it's many flaws, turns out to be pretty enjoyable, even if a lot of that enjoyment comes directly because of the flaws. You know it's a Canadian movie when two of the first five credits go to Brendans.
A group of young forensic science students are on a training course on a remote island that used to house a prison. Rumor has it that a lot of the death row inmates were subjected to insane experiments and devious torture. I think you can see where this is going.
So the 6 students, A professor who does everything by the book and will brook no guff, and a local jack of all trades there to help set things up all make their way to the remote camp. Nick Moran is awesome as the local, who right away senses that shit isn't right, and while he helps carry the early part of the movie it does come at the expense of just about any character development for anyone else in the film. I mean, there's barely even cursory cliche dialog between the students.
So the prof has set up three different crime scenes around the island, using actual corpses with the help of a local lawman, and the students split up into three teams of two and head out to meet their doom.
The film looks good for the most part, and the acting, save for a few wooden performances from the students, is solid enough. The pacing is very well done and at just over 80 minutes it never feels stretched out. The thing that makes 13 Eerie really stand out though is that the baddies are really awesome. The mutant humans look and act legit terrifying, and the gore is top notch. The kills are good, but even the bad ones are fun. Such as when a grown woman, running for her life, cannot avoid getting stuck in a thorn bush, unable to move when a cannibal corpse comes to eat her. The monster then takes it's time eating select pieces of the this dumb broad while she continues to be perilously trapped by twigs and screams not so much as if she's being eaten alive but more like she just saw a mouse.
The bad? Well there's an infuriating hum that some might call a soundtrack, that blares distortingly in moments of tension and drowns out a lot of the dialog. Both unforgivable and nerve wracking.. Then there's the complete lack of character development. The only one in the group you end up having any rooting interest in is the hot girl, for no other reason really other than she's hot. The last half hour just isn't as much fun as it could have been if I had given much of a fuck who lived and died, but cest la vie.
A little short on story, but high on atmosphere, with enough blood and guts to keep things moving along, 13 Eerie is a decent romp with the undead.
A group of young forensic science students are on a training course on a remote island that used to house a prison. Rumor has it that a lot of the death row inmates were subjected to insane experiments and devious torture. I think you can see where this is going.
So the 6 students, A professor who does everything by the book and will brook no guff, and a local jack of all trades there to help set things up all make their way to the remote camp. Nick Moran is awesome as the local, who right away senses that shit isn't right, and while he helps carry the early part of the movie it does come at the expense of just about any character development for anyone else in the film. I mean, there's barely even cursory cliche dialog between the students.
So the prof has set up three different crime scenes around the island, using actual corpses with the help of a local lawman, and the students split up into three teams of two and head out to meet their doom.
The film looks good for the most part, and the acting, save for a few wooden performances from the students, is solid enough. The pacing is very well done and at just over 80 minutes it never feels stretched out. The thing that makes 13 Eerie really stand out though is that the baddies are really awesome. The mutant humans look and act legit terrifying, and the gore is top notch. The kills are good, but even the bad ones are fun. Such as when a grown woman, running for her life, cannot avoid getting stuck in a thorn bush, unable to move when a cannibal corpse comes to eat her. The monster then takes it's time eating select pieces of the this dumb broad while she continues to be perilously trapped by twigs and screams not so much as if she's being eaten alive but more like she just saw a mouse.
The bad? Well there's an infuriating hum that some might call a soundtrack, that blares distortingly in moments of tension and drowns out a lot of the dialog. Both unforgivable and nerve wracking.. Then there's the complete lack of character development. The only one in the group you end up having any rooting interest in is the hot girl, for no other reason really other than she's hot. The last half hour just isn't as much fun as it could have been if I had given much of a fuck who lived and died, but cest la vie.
A little short on story, but high on atmosphere, with enough blood and guts to keep things moving along, 13 Eerie is a decent romp with the undead.
Lovelace: 57 Out Of 100 Stars
Lovelace is a tale of two movies, almost literally. After the first 45 minutes play out we're then taken back to the beginning and taken through the same period of time but from a different perspective. It's an interesting ploy that got my attention and then kept it with a decent second act thanks to the performances, though the script never feels like it gets much below the surface even though the ending tries to get really heavy.
The performances by Seyfried as the titular character and Sarsgaard as her husband Chuck Traynor, are good enough, although I was underwhelmed by the portrayal of the typical bad guy husband. Nice and charming at first, then mean, controlling and violent. Even if that's exactly how he really was, it never feels like the movie puts much effort at all into portraying the character the same as it's been portrayed in a million other films. Then at the end it mentions that Traynor would go on to marry Marilyn Chambers, which makes me question much of what I just saw as far as him becoming an out of control pariah in the porn world. Something just isn't adding up. I felt left with more questions than answers.
The supporting cast is pretty strong and although it's not really sexy per se, there is a decent amount of skin, although I was baffled by how much Seyfrieds look was dulled down, but whatevs.
Nothing special, but good enough to keep my attention. Lovelace plays more like an after school special, if after school specials played in porno theaters. Something about that sounds really wrong.
Lovelace? Eh, Likelace.
The performances by Seyfried as the titular character and Sarsgaard as her husband Chuck Traynor, are good enough, although I was underwhelmed by the portrayal of the typical bad guy husband. Nice and charming at first, then mean, controlling and violent. Even if that's exactly how he really was, it never feels like the movie puts much effort at all into portraying the character the same as it's been portrayed in a million other films. Then at the end it mentions that Traynor would go on to marry Marilyn Chambers, which makes me question much of what I just saw as far as him becoming an out of control pariah in the porn world. Something just isn't adding up. I felt left with more questions than answers.
The supporting cast is pretty strong and although it's not really sexy per se, there is a decent amount of skin, although I was baffled by how much Seyfrieds look was dulled down, but whatevs.
Nothing special, but good enough to keep my attention. Lovelace plays more like an after school special, if after school specials played in porno theaters. Something about that sounds really wrong.
Lovelace? Eh, Likelace.
Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes: 77 Out Of 100 Stars
Where the original dealt with things on a more one on one basis and was led by the strong performances of Franco & Serkis, Dawn has a much wider, but just as fascinating scope.
Serkis is maybe even better this time in having to deal with the angst of both human encroachment and the impending turncoat Koba. The humans don't bring nearly as much to the table this time around although the script tries really hard to give Jason Clarke and Kerri Russell some meat, they just don't resonate the way Franco did in the original. Gary Oldman gives a strong but small performance as the leader of the humans, completely perplexed by the idea of doing anything but taking out the apes. But the heart of the story is Caesar and his conflicted views on humans and the coming war, and Serkis handles the role with an Oscar caliber performance.
No two ways about it, this monkey shines.
Serkis is maybe even better this time in having to deal with the angst of both human encroachment and the impending turncoat Koba. The humans don't bring nearly as much to the table this time around although the script tries really hard to give Jason Clarke and Kerri Russell some meat, they just don't resonate the way Franco did in the original. Gary Oldman gives a strong but small performance as the leader of the humans, completely perplexed by the idea of doing anything but taking out the apes. But the heart of the story is Caesar and his conflicted views on humans and the coming war, and Serkis handles the role with an Oscar caliber performance.
No two ways about it, this monkey shines.
Monday, July 28, 2014
Bleading Lady: 5 Out Of 100 Stars
Two points for each time a hot chick gets naked, and three points for the approximate number of times I laughed. Even that feels generous.
If you made a how to video on how not to make a movie, it would probably look something like this. I simply don't have the energy to explain the story or go over every little thing in detail. A fair amount of dialog is drowned out by music playing or the sound of a van running. The acting is more horrific than the kills. The script and directing are atrocious and it just fucking goes on and on and on and on. I never thought I'd be so drained from a movies sheer dullness to be completely unflustered by watching a penis get cut off, but here we are.
Ryan Nicholson is apparently an accomplished effects guy, but for the love of all that is holy, somebody close to him needs to sit him down and in the nicest way possible explain that none of the qualities needed to make an interesting movie are present in his DNA.
Someday I'm going to sit down and rewatch Gutterballs to try and see if maybe I was just super duper stoned when I watched it. There really can't be any other explanation.
If you made a how to video on how not to make a movie, it would probably look something like this. I simply don't have the energy to explain the story or go over every little thing in detail. A fair amount of dialog is drowned out by music playing or the sound of a van running. The acting is more horrific than the kills. The script and directing are atrocious and it just fucking goes on and on and on and on. I never thought I'd be so drained from a movies sheer dullness to be completely unflustered by watching a penis get cut off, but here we are.
Ryan Nicholson is apparently an accomplished effects guy, but for the love of all that is holy, somebody close to him needs to sit him down and in the nicest way possible explain that none of the qualities needed to make an interesting movie are present in his DNA.
Someday I'm going to sit down and rewatch Gutterballs to try and see if maybe I was just super duper stoned when I watched it. There really can't be any other explanation.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
The Worlds End: 72 Out Of 100 Stars
Like Shaun Of The Dead and Hot Fuzz before, Simon Peggs The Worlds End is a fun romp with some serious undertones that makes solid use of physical comedy and word play. If you liked those movies I suspect you'll like this one, and you should like them, because they're all good.
20 years after a group of graduates fell short of their pub crawl, the leader is trying to get the gang back to together to finish the job. The problem is, he's the only one still living in the past. Of course he convinces them to join him, and what ensues is a damn fun romp that switches gears very quickly and sends the movie someplace I had no idea it was going. The twist allows for a series of fun ass action sequences that harken back to a bygone era of physical comedy, which it seems the villains are designed specifically to create, and that's cool with me.
Mix a buddy comedy with cyborgs and throw in some stooges, I'm good with that. The Worlds End is our gain.
20 years after a group of graduates fell short of their pub crawl, the leader is trying to get the gang back to together to finish the job. The problem is, he's the only one still living in the past. Of course he convinces them to join him, and what ensues is a damn fun romp that switches gears very quickly and sends the movie someplace I had no idea it was going. The twist allows for a series of fun ass action sequences that harken back to a bygone era of physical comedy, which it seems the villains are designed specifically to create, and that's cool with me.
Mix a buddy comedy with cyborgs and throw in some stooges, I'm good with that. The Worlds End is our gain.
Famine: 30 Out Of 100 Stars
Another Ryan Nicholson movie, and easily the most perplexing of his 4 movies I've seen so far. I remarked in my review of Hanger that I had no idea what the film was trying to accomplish, well Famine raises my sheer perplexedness up to about 1000.
Set in Sloppy Secondary High, Famine runs the gamut from amusing, bizarre, nonsensical, sexy, non nonsensical, funny, nonsensical, and nonsensical. On the plus side, there's no unnecessary build to the imbecility. Within 30 seconds you know pretty much what you're in for as you're greeted with hot chicks, nice boobs, atrocious acting and dreadful writing.
I think, and this is purely a guess, but I think that there's an attempt at satire here. The first half of the movie is decently funny either way, just based on sheer befuddlement. The lead actress, whatever the hell her motivation is, seems like she's doing a good job of pulling it off, the problem is that I have no idea what it is. She also has exquisite boobies, which never hurts. To be fair, almost all of the women in the cast are good, I just have no idea what it is they're doing. I suppose the men might be good too, if they're impetus is to be the human version of Beavis, and for all I can tell it might be.
The story is about a group of kids who were involved in hurting a teacher 5 years ago during the schools famine, which is a 24 hour hunger strike to raise awareness and earn extra credits. Don't look at me that way, that's the story. So after 5 years of no famine, the school decides to have another one and yadda yadda yadda, horror movie tropes, etc.
There's the usual Ryan Nicholson schtick at play here, although it's turned down a bit in favor of just letting a dumb script be the joke. The problem is that in much the same way one fart is funny, but 100 farts is just a big smelly mess, the movie never evolves. What's humorous in the first few minutes becomes zestless by the halfway point, and then to make matters worse the last 40 minutes devolve into the same boring, run of the mill, rather soulless, chase and slash cliche that they've spent the first 40 minutes mocking.
The kills are more standard than in any of Nicholsons previous films, though his penchant for facial scarring remains. And the over the top gross out moments are kept to a minimum, nary a vaginal close up to be found. The girls are hot, but there's never the level of nudity I was hoping for if I'm being honest. There are the odd odd scenes, such as uncontrolled semen splatter and a man trying to have sex with a swiss roll and some of the comedy in the early part of the film works pretty well. The editing and direction are competent for the most part, but there are moments where it gets really bad.
The most mainstream of Nicholsons work so far, there are glimpses of fun and glimmers of hope in Famine, but for whatever reason, even when he stumbles upon stuff that works, he can't stay focused and the entire thing just turns into a discombobulated and rather boring mess.
Set in Sloppy Secondary High, Famine runs the gamut from amusing, bizarre, nonsensical, sexy, non nonsensical, funny, nonsensical, and nonsensical. On the plus side, there's no unnecessary build to the imbecility. Within 30 seconds you know pretty much what you're in for as you're greeted with hot chicks, nice boobs, atrocious acting and dreadful writing.
I think, and this is purely a guess, but I think that there's an attempt at satire here. The first half of the movie is decently funny either way, just based on sheer befuddlement. The lead actress, whatever the hell her motivation is, seems like she's doing a good job of pulling it off, the problem is that I have no idea what it is. She also has exquisite boobies, which never hurts. To be fair, almost all of the women in the cast are good, I just have no idea what it is they're doing. I suppose the men might be good too, if they're impetus is to be the human version of Beavis, and for all I can tell it might be.
The story is about a group of kids who were involved in hurting a teacher 5 years ago during the schools famine, which is a 24 hour hunger strike to raise awareness and earn extra credits. Don't look at me that way, that's the story. So after 5 years of no famine, the school decides to have another one and yadda yadda yadda, horror movie tropes, etc.
There's the usual Ryan Nicholson schtick at play here, although it's turned down a bit in favor of just letting a dumb script be the joke. The problem is that in much the same way one fart is funny, but 100 farts is just a big smelly mess, the movie never evolves. What's humorous in the first few minutes becomes zestless by the halfway point, and then to make matters worse the last 40 minutes devolve into the same boring, run of the mill, rather soulless, chase and slash cliche that they've spent the first 40 minutes mocking.
The kills are more standard than in any of Nicholsons previous films, though his penchant for facial scarring remains. And the over the top gross out moments are kept to a minimum, nary a vaginal close up to be found. The girls are hot, but there's never the level of nudity I was hoping for if I'm being honest. There are the odd odd scenes, such as uncontrolled semen splatter and a man trying to have sex with a swiss roll and some of the comedy in the early part of the film works pretty well. The editing and direction are competent for the most part, but there are moments where it gets really bad.
The most mainstream of Nicholsons work so far, there are glimpses of fun and glimmers of hope in Famine, but for whatever reason, even when he stumbles upon stuff that works, he can't stay focused and the entire thing just turns into a discombobulated and rather boring mess.
Hanger: 15 Out Of 100 Stars
From the same guy who made the infinitely superior Gutterballs and the equally awful Live Feed, comes Hanger. Because wasn't the world clamoring for the story of a hookers botched abortion and the resulting murderous spawn.
Unfortunately, Hanger has all the same stupidity of Gutterballs and absolutely none of the charm or fun. The story is silly beyond belief, but that doesn't stop the script from explaining every corny detail in long, drawn out scenes of eye rolling dialog.
As the movie opens we've got a bunch of hookers, one of whom is pregnant, living in a run down hotel. Their pimp doesn't like the fact that the pregnant girl is costing him money so he decides to take care of things himself. In true Ryan Nicholoson fashion this is shown in very gory detail. The problem is that it's not in any way funny, nor is it making a statement. I could deal with a scene like this if there was something behind it that made it worth while, or even made it seem like the director was trying to say something worthwhile, but he's not, he just wants to show that he can do a special effects abortion.
Now then, the hooker dies and the baby gets thrown in the trash, only to be picked up a homeless mental. Fast forward 18 years and the mental homeless dude has raised the disfigured baby, apparently living in a tent in an ally all this time. Upon his 18th birthday the old guy passes the kid off to a former john of the hooker who believes he's the kids father. The father does a lot of talking about the situation, as if we're in the middle of a grand mystery and can't figure out this less than basic story on our own.
The dad apparently has connections at a recycling plant and gets the kid a job working with other mentals, misfits and what not. But his grander scheme is to use the kid to get to and kill the pimp, because every pimp who works out of a $5 motel in what looks like Fort Lee, NJ takes a master plan, spanning 18 years, to kill. Now, we saw the dad earlier in the film, and not only has he not appeared to age in 18 years, but he still drives the same truck. God, this is so awful. Not only is it awful, but it's fucking boring. There are some gory and silly kills, but not silly fun, just silly stupid.
The kid is put up with one of the other dudes who works at the plant, who of course is also a goofy, disfigured sort who just happens to have a porno featuring the kids dead mom. He also thinks hot dogs are what you get when you microwave poodles. Real funny shit here.
So the dad explains the master plan to the kid, how the best way to get to the pimp is to draw him out by killing his whores. Again, this is akin to sending Seal Team 6 in to rob a candy bar from a Bodega. Anyway, as soon as the dad explains his plan, he gets in his truck and wouldn't you know it, one of the pimps main hookers jumps in and starts talking about how she wants to help kill the pimp because, and I quote "He fucks every single one of those whores". It's like my dad always said, if you can't trust your pimp to be monogamous, who the hell can you trust? The scene doesn't really go anywhere other than to give us a good five minutes of the kind of top shelf acting you can only find in movies about botched abortions and the killer children of said botched abortions.
Next we go into the comedy portion of the movie as the freaks are working at the recycling plant, which appears to consist of one room full of dumpsters with various things in them. The budget for this movie is listed at $250,000, $200 of which I'm sure went into building this set. This scene is full of non sequitur jokes involved crabs, making tea out of used tampons, and a diaper fight, of course using loaded diapers. This might have actually been funny if this was what the entire movie was about, but as it is it just feels like the scene itself is one long non sequitur. It's interspersed with two other scenes, one featuring the dad and the pimp having a showdown that involves a hooker fingering what she admits is her unwashed vagina and rubbing the remnants all over dads face, and the other a scene involving the improbably hot boss of the recycling plant deciding to get on her desk and masturbate for no particular reason. Both scenes make liberal use of a squishing sound effect. Well, if you've got to have a calling card as a director, I guess the sounds of vagina squish is as good as any.
OK, now things get rather fascinating, on some disturbing level. The dad is tied up after having his face torched by the pimp. Then the hooker with the dirty cooch proceeds to rubs herself all over his torched up face and fart on him. At the same time, one of the mentals from the recycling plant drugs the other two guys, takes an entire bottle of Viagra and rapes them. But this is no simple rape, oh no. After doing the first guy, who decides to rape an open wound in the stomach of the partially aborted kid. This is...graphic. This is...I'm at a loss for words as to the point of this, the comedic intentions of this, the entire point of any of this. But I'd be lying if I didn't admit to laughing my ass off just now. Oh, and all of this is interspersed with the hot boss still doing a rather graphic softcore masturbation scene with a pen, that her father the foreman will later sniff.
From there it's more over the top shit, including a tampon being removed from the passed out boss and revenge for the rape by choking the rapist with poop. There's also some outstanding continuity as the dad, torched and beaten, wrapped in plastic and left for dead, wakes up and cuts his way out, then finds the hooker who farted all over him, still in the process of douching, which she said she was going to do as she left the room he was being tortured in. Then there's Russell, the dude Hanger lives with, an hour into the film saying "you can crash with me tonight", long after it's been established that they live together. The pimp telling the female boss "maybe I'll come back later and bang you again", despite the fact that he hasn't banged her once. Or the pimp throwing in a line at the end of the film about having just served 18 years in jail, which leaves the viewer to wonder exactly when in the past day he's collected all these hookers to work for him. I'd like to be amazed at a movie that cares this little about it's own story, but it's too god damn ridiculous to even start to think it ever cares about the story to begin with. So yeah.
OK, so what else? Well the movie is filled with sound effects. Like, there's constant train whistles and sounds of trucks and police cars, to give the illusion that everything is taking place somewhere other than an abandoned parking lot. It's incredibly distracting, but not nearly as distracting the music that plays during much of the dialog. It's like how in real movies, fight scenes are often augmented by a blistering soundtrack to heighten the scene. Well here the wondrous banter between characters is backed up by indiscernible and generic heavy rock. Unfortunately we can still hear the words.
This is a movie that you cross your fingers and pray it was meant to be this dumb, because otherwise the world just feels like a sadder place to live. The thing is, I've seen this guy make a good movie. Granted, the actors were roughly 1000 times better, and there was an actual set, but still. Everything about it was so insanely better than this piece of shit.
I'd suggest that this DVD is better served used as a coaster, but that belittles the work that goes into making coasters. In a movie filled with rape, abortions, open wounds, pooping, and tampon tea, the most offensive thing about it is the craftsmanship.
Unfortunately, Hanger has all the same stupidity of Gutterballs and absolutely none of the charm or fun. The story is silly beyond belief, but that doesn't stop the script from explaining every corny detail in long, drawn out scenes of eye rolling dialog.
As the movie opens we've got a bunch of hookers, one of whom is pregnant, living in a run down hotel. Their pimp doesn't like the fact that the pregnant girl is costing him money so he decides to take care of things himself. In true Ryan Nicholoson fashion this is shown in very gory detail. The problem is that it's not in any way funny, nor is it making a statement. I could deal with a scene like this if there was something behind it that made it worth while, or even made it seem like the director was trying to say something worthwhile, but he's not, he just wants to show that he can do a special effects abortion.
Now then, the hooker dies and the baby gets thrown in the trash, only to be picked up a homeless mental. Fast forward 18 years and the mental homeless dude has raised the disfigured baby, apparently living in a tent in an ally all this time. Upon his 18th birthday the old guy passes the kid off to a former john of the hooker who believes he's the kids father. The father does a lot of talking about the situation, as if we're in the middle of a grand mystery and can't figure out this less than basic story on our own.
The dad apparently has connections at a recycling plant and gets the kid a job working with other mentals, misfits and what not. But his grander scheme is to use the kid to get to and kill the pimp, because every pimp who works out of a $5 motel in what looks like Fort Lee, NJ takes a master plan, spanning 18 years, to kill. Now, we saw the dad earlier in the film, and not only has he not appeared to age in 18 years, but he still drives the same truck. God, this is so awful. Not only is it awful, but it's fucking boring. There are some gory and silly kills, but not silly fun, just silly stupid.
The kid is put up with one of the other dudes who works at the plant, who of course is also a goofy, disfigured sort who just happens to have a porno featuring the kids dead mom. He also thinks hot dogs are what you get when you microwave poodles. Real funny shit here.
So the dad explains the master plan to the kid, how the best way to get to the pimp is to draw him out by killing his whores. Again, this is akin to sending Seal Team 6 in to rob a candy bar from a Bodega. Anyway, as soon as the dad explains his plan, he gets in his truck and wouldn't you know it, one of the pimps main hookers jumps in and starts talking about how she wants to help kill the pimp because, and I quote "He fucks every single one of those whores". It's like my dad always said, if you can't trust your pimp to be monogamous, who the hell can you trust? The scene doesn't really go anywhere other than to give us a good five minutes of the kind of top shelf acting you can only find in movies about botched abortions and the killer children of said botched abortions.
Next we go into the comedy portion of the movie as the freaks are working at the recycling plant, which appears to consist of one room full of dumpsters with various things in them. The budget for this movie is listed at $250,000, $200 of which I'm sure went into building this set. This scene is full of non sequitur jokes involved crabs, making tea out of used tampons, and a diaper fight, of course using loaded diapers. This might have actually been funny if this was what the entire movie was about, but as it is it just feels like the scene itself is one long non sequitur. It's interspersed with two other scenes, one featuring the dad and the pimp having a showdown that involves a hooker fingering what she admits is her unwashed vagina and rubbing the remnants all over dads face, and the other a scene involving the improbably hot boss of the recycling plant deciding to get on her desk and masturbate for no particular reason. Both scenes make liberal use of a squishing sound effect. Well, if you've got to have a calling card as a director, I guess the sounds of vagina squish is as good as any.
OK, now things get rather fascinating, on some disturbing level. The dad is tied up after having his face torched by the pimp. Then the hooker with the dirty cooch proceeds to rubs herself all over his torched up face and fart on him. At the same time, one of the mentals from the recycling plant drugs the other two guys, takes an entire bottle of Viagra and rapes them. But this is no simple rape, oh no. After doing the first guy, who decides to rape an open wound in the stomach of the partially aborted kid. This is...graphic. This is...I'm at a loss for words as to the point of this, the comedic intentions of this, the entire point of any of this. But I'd be lying if I didn't admit to laughing my ass off just now. Oh, and all of this is interspersed with the hot boss still doing a rather graphic softcore masturbation scene with a pen, that her father the foreman will later sniff.
From there it's more over the top shit, including a tampon being removed from the passed out boss and revenge for the rape by choking the rapist with poop. There's also some outstanding continuity as the dad, torched and beaten, wrapped in plastic and left for dead, wakes up and cuts his way out, then finds the hooker who farted all over him, still in the process of douching, which she said she was going to do as she left the room he was being tortured in. Then there's Russell, the dude Hanger lives with, an hour into the film saying "you can crash with me tonight", long after it's been established that they live together. The pimp telling the female boss "maybe I'll come back later and bang you again", despite the fact that he hasn't banged her once. Or the pimp throwing in a line at the end of the film about having just served 18 years in jail, which leaves the viewer to wonder exactly when in the past day he's collected all these hookers to work for him. I'd like to be amazed at a movie that cares this little about it's own story, but it's too god damn ridiculous to even start to think it ever cares about the story to begin with. So yeah.
OK, so what else? Well the movie is filled with sound effects. Like, there's constant train whistles and sounds of trucks and police cars, to give the illusion that everything is taking place somewhere other than an abandoned parking lot. It's incredibly distracting, but not nearly as distracting the music that plays during much of the dialog. It's like how in real movies, fight scenes are often augmented by a blistering soundtrack to heighten the scene. Well here the wondrous banter between characters is backed up by indiscernible and generic heavy rock. Unfortunately we can still hear the words.
This is a movie that you cross your fingers and pray it was meant to be this dumb, because otherwise the world just feels like a sadder place to live. The thing is, I've seen this guy make a good movie. Granted, the actors were roughly 1000 times better, and there was an actual set, but still. Everything about it was so insanely better than this piece of shit.
I'd suggest that this DVD is better served used as a coaster, but that belittles the work that goes into making coasters. In a movie filled with rape, abortions, open wounds, pooping, and tampon tea, the most offensive thing about it is the craftsmanship.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Life Itself: 94 Out Of 100 Stars
What begins as a documentary meant to look back on the life of film critic Roger Ebert, Life Itself instead becomes a heartbreaking glimpse into his last weeks on earth. The film opens with Ebert just re entering the hospital for what is thought to be a simple fracture in his leg, we would later learn that the cause was a recurrence of his cancer which would take his life not long afterwards.
Growing up, Siskel & Ebert were a huge part of my life. My Sunday ritual that would end with NFL Football, began early in the morning with At The Movies, their appearances on Howard Stern and Carson were always a must see. In recent years it was his website, which included reviews and essays, and an unfiltered look into the cancer that had taken part of his face, that made me admire and respect him even more. But I don't think you need to have that sort of relationship with him to appreciate this film.
Life Itself is at once uplifting and soul crushing. It spends just enough time on every aspect of Eberts life, from his childhood and early days as a possessed newsman, to his revolutionizing the way film critics were regarded, to his relationship with Gene Siskel and then his cancer and ultimately his death. Perhaps the only thing I felt shorted on was the there was no mention of the Roeper years, nor in fact, was Roeper anywhere to be seen in the documentary. I found that odd.
It seems only fitting that the final mark Roger Ebert makes on cinema, is to be the star of one of the best films made this year. Two thumbs up.
Growing up, Siskel & Ebert were a huge part of my life. My Sunday ritual that would end with NFL Football, began early in the morning with At The Movies, their appearances on Howard Stern and Carson were always a must see. In recent years it was his website, which included reviews and essays, and an unfiltered look into the cancer that had taken part of his face, that made me admire and respect him even more. But I don't think you need to have that sort of relationship with him to appreciate this film.
Life Itself is at once uplifting and soul crushing. It spends just enough time on every aspect of Eberts life, from his childhood and early days as a possessed newsman, to his revolutionizing the way film critics were regarded, to his relationship with Gene Siskel and then his cancer and ultimately his death. Perhaps the only thing I felt shorted on was the there was no mention of the Roeper years, nor in fact, was Roeper anywhere to be seen in the documentary. I found that odd.
It seems only fitting that the final mark Roger Ebert makes on cinema, is to be the star of one of the best films made this year. Two thumbs up.
Cheap Thrills: 71 Out Of 100 Stars
I loved this movie, but god damn does it get really dark. Like, way more dark than I was expecting, and I was expecting dark. David Kochner, who is fantastic playing more of a straight man than I'm used to seeing him do, and Sarah Paxton, play a rich couple out celebrating her birthday. They meet Vince and Eddie, two down and out buddies, played by Ethan Embry and Pat Healy, and a series of little bets and dares get further and further out of hand as the night goes on.
I went in to this on the idea that it was a bit of a dark comedy, but there's not a whole lot funny here man, it's just straight up dark. Even the lighter moments that elicited a chuckle are quickly moved on from as you just can't escape the fucked up shit going on in this film.
This makes two straight really good performances from Koechner now, both using him in a much more subdued/serious way than anything I'd ever seen him do. He's starting to grow on me.
I went in to this on the idea that it was a bit of a dark comedy, but there's not a whole lot funny here man, it's just straight up dark. Even the lighter moments that elicited a chuckle are quickly moved on from as you just can't escape the fucked up shit going on in this film.
This makes two straight really good performances from Koechner now, both using him in a much more subdued/serious way than anything I'd ever seen him do. He's starting to grow on me.
Snowpiercer: 70 Out Of 100 Stars
The good about Snowpiercer are the performances and the original take on a classic story. The world is pretty much frozen and all that's left is a train that continuously circles the earth. On board are the last of humanity, each car part of the class system. It's a fresh and novel take on class warfare, the only real problem I had with it is that it's a little hard to believe, thus making it difficult to get as invested as the film makers want. Tilda Swinton is awesome as usual and Kang-ho Song is fabulous as well. Chris Evans does a fine job in the lead and I was never bored, but the more the story unfolds, the more it slips into fantasy and sort of loses it's initial appeal. Still, a damn good film.
Your Highness: 67 Out Of 100 Stars
Another movie I never reviewed, for whatever reason. It's not the funniest thing ever, and you certainly have to be in Danny McBride mode to enjoy it, but if you are it'll do a for a fun 90 minutes. Natalie Portman is scrumptious and James Franco evens out McBrides schtick enough that you can just sit back and enjoy it.
Tucker And Dale Vs Evil: 75 Out Of 100 Stars
Don't know why I never reviewed this, I think I was planning on re watching it with a friend and we just never got around to it. Anyway, Tucker And Dale Vs Evil is a one note movie that does everything possible with that one note. Fabulous slapstick that they somehow manage to stretch for most of the movies run time. Just when you think they've exhausted every possible silly kill, they throw another one on top of it.
Tyler Labine & Anal Tudyk as the hillbilly leads are pretty damn brilliant in this horror spoof. They play a couple of rednecks out for a weekend in the woods when they happen upon a group of teenagers doing the same. Through a series of misunderstandings and happenstance, each side thinks the other is out to the kill them. What ensues is some 3 Stooges level comedy, if the Stooges were dropped in a Friday The 13th film. It really is fantastic. Throw in Katrina Bowden looking fine as all get out and you've got a winner. It peters out a bit near the end but that's OK, it does what it aims to do and does it beyond all reasonable expectations.
Tyler Labine & Anal Tudyk as the hillbilly leads are pretty damn brilliant in this horror spoof. They play a couple of rednecks out for a weekend in the woods when they happen upon a group of teenagers doing the same. Through a series of misunderstandings and happenstance, each side thinks the other is out to the kill them. What ensues is some 3 Stooges level comedy, if the Stooges were dropped in a Friday The 13th film. It really is fantastic. Throw in Katrina Bowden looking fine as all get out and you've got a winner. It peters out a bit near the end but that's OK, it does what it aims to do and does it beyond all reasonable expectations.
Monday, July 7, 2014
Big Brother 2014: Day 32
Heh, I know nobody reads this shit so I don't know why I'm doing this. Just for my own edification I suppose. I always diary the first few episodes just to help me get into it, but I know I'll stop eventually. I might feel bad if anyone was actually reading. Anyhoo, this entry will pretty much be just me give me thoughts on the season so far.
This is easily the worst cast of any season I've watched, and I can't imagine many of the ones I haven't watched being this bad either. Let's go housemate by housemate.
Helen: Just a complete cunt, but at the same time she's pretty much the only housemate with any flavor to her at all. Yeah she goes completely mental from time to time, but just imagine how insanely boring it'd be if she wasn't there.
Ash: He seems like an OK guy but he hasn't done much at all to stand out. His few blowups and slag offs have been interesting but it's too few and far between to make him any sort of significant character so far. He's like a male clone of Helen, only running at about 20% efficiency.
Marc: Nice guy but Jesus Christ the histrionics make me want to slap him and remind him he's a fucking man and not a 13 year old girl. If he squeals one more time over his hair or eyebrows I'm gonna blow my brains out.
Stephen: Just a douche chill inducing dullard. He brings nothing to the show at all and his "relationship" with Kim is about as painful to watch as a vasectomy.
Kim: Someone on the Digital Spy forum pegged her as a robot very early on in the series, and I agree completely. She's monotone, uninteresting, waffling and boring. The only bright side to her being on the show is that when her and Steven are talking I can skip past it and kill two birds with one stone.
Winston: His windups are amusing, and at times he comes off smarter than he usually appears, but most of the time he's just a goofball who seems incapable of holding even a basic conversation.
Danielle: Sweet lord I love looking at her but she's as dumb as a box of rocks. First she's a religious zealot, then she's laughing like a mongoloid at dirty jokes, then she's playing footsie with Winston and acting like a 12 year old with her first crush. Between the Steve/Kim pairing and this new Danielle/Winston pairing, the couples on this season are just bottom of the barrel atrocious.
Marlon: Just an absolutely abysmal person & character. He never says anything that isn't cringe worthy, doesn't appear to have a brain in his head, and worst of all, he has know idea what a twat he comes across as. His entire personality is like watching a 6th grader seeing his first nudie mag.
Jale: Who the fuck knows what's up with her. Her storyline the first week so interesting but since then she's just blended in. Probably not her fault as much as how she's edited, but still, as a character she's been fairly worthless for the past few weeks.
Christopher: Yeah, the dude is just weird, and not in a fun way, just awkward and unpleasant to watch.
Chris: Easily the best part of the show so far, if just for his diary room speeches. He's the only one with a real sense of what's going and he conveys it so brilliantly. The problem is that he doesn't get involved the shit much so he's hardly ever doing anything of substance on the actual show.
Ashleigh: God, I so wanted her to be a strong, good character, but in the end she's turning out to be the 18 year old brat everyone says she is. Complaining and bitching and moping and throwing these mini temper tantrums and walking around with that fucking stuffed animal.
So yeah, when you look at that cast there just isn't anyone fun to root for. The rows tend to be fun but it's just a bunch of annoying heels going at each other so there's no real rooting interest. Add in that we've now got two completely channel changing couplings going on and it just makes for a really weak season. Maybe next year they'll change up the casting formula and go with some real people instead of just filling these pre determined roles. Doubtful, but I can dream. I'm still watching though.
This is easily the worst cast of any season I've watched, and I can't imagine many of the ones I haven't watched being this bad either. Let's go housemate by housemate.
Helen: Just a complete cunt, but at the same time she's pretty much the only housemate with any flavor to her at all. Yeah she goes completely mental from time to time, but just imagine how insanely boring it'd be if she wasn't there.
Ash: He seems like an OK guy but he hasn't done much at all to stand out. His few blowups and slag offs have been interesting but it's too few and far between to make him any sort of significant character so far. He's like a male clone of Helen, only running at about 20% efficiency.
Marc: Nice guy but Jesus Christ the histrionics make me want to slap him and remind him he's a fucking man and not a 13 year old girl. If he squeals one more time over his hair or eyebrows I'm gonna blow my brains out.
Stephen: Just a douche chill inducing dullard. He brings nothing to the show at all and his "relationship" with Kim is about as painful to watch as a vasectomy.
Kim: Someone on the Digital Spy forum pegged her as a robot very early on in the series, and I agree completely. She's monotone, uninteresting, waffling and boring. The only bright side to her being on the show is that when her and Steven are talking I can skip past it and kill two birds with one stone.
Winston: His windups are amusing, and at times he comes off smarter than he usually appears, but most of the time he's just a goofball who seems incapable of holding even a basic conversation.
Danielle: Sweet lord I love looking at her but she's as dumb as a box of rocks. First she's a religious zealot, then she's laughing like a mongoloid at dirty jokes, then she's playing footsie with Winston and acting like a 12 year old with her first crush. Between the Steve/Kim pairing and this new Danielle/Winston pairing, the couples on this season are just bottom of the barrel atrocious.
Marlon: Just an absolutely abysmal person & character. He never says anything that isn't cringe worthy, doesn't appear to have a brain in his head, and worst of all, he has know idea what a twat he comes across as. His entire personality is like watching a 6th grader seeing his first nudie mag.
Jale: Who the fuck knows what's up with her. Her storyline the first week so interesting but since then she's just blended in. Probably not her fault as much as how she's edited, but still, as a character she's been fairly worthless for the past few weeks.
Christopher: Yeah, the dude is just weird, and not in a fun way, just awkward and unpleasant to watch.
Chris: Easily the best part of the show so far, if just for his diary room speeches. He's the only one with a real sense of what's going and he conveys it so brilliantly. The problem is that he doesn't get involved the shit much so he's hardly ever doing anything of substance on the actual show.
Ashleigh: God, I so wanted her to be a strong, good character, but in the end she's turning out to be the 18 year old brat everyone says she is. Complaining and bitching and moping and throwing these mini temper tantrums and walking around with that fucking stuffed animal.
So yeah, when you look at that cast there just isn't anyone fun to root for. The rows tend to be fun but it's just a bunch of annoying heels going at each other so there's no real rooting interest. Add in that we've now got two completely channel changing couplings going on and it just makes for a really weak season. Maybe next year they'll change up the casting formula and go with some real people instead of just filling these pre determined roles. Doubtful, but I can dream. I'm still watching though.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
No Clue: 62 Out Of 100 Stars
First things first, I love Brent Butt. Corner Gas is one of my favorite TV shows ever and I enjoy the fuck out of his style of comedy. That being said, the story being told is absolutely dumb and makes almost no sense so if you're looking for a tightly scripted mystery you're shit out of luck. What you will get is really solid performances from Butt and David Kochner, whom I usually hate, but he's really awesome here. Amy Smart as a fem fatale is not exactly 100% believable but she's got something of a name so I understand why she's here.
Not much more than 90 minutes of Brent Butt playing a clueless, wannabe detective. But fun none the less.
Not much more than 90 minutes of Brent Butt playing a clueless, wannabe detective. But fun none the less.
A Million Ways To Die In The West: 30 Out Of 100 Stars
A Million Ways To Die, much more than the infinitely superior Ted, plays like an extended Family Guy episode, and not even one of the good ones. McFarlane plays a sheep farmer, living in a bad standup bit about how dumb things were in the old west, who has just been dumped by his girlfriend played by Amanda Sifreid. Theron & Neeson play a husband and wife outlaw couple and wouldn't you know it, she just doesn't like living on the wrong side of the law anymore. She and McFarlane meet cute and away we go with a story that's way to silly to be engaging and thoroughly detracts from the actual fun parts of film involving Ribisi, Silverman and Neil Patrick Harris.
A hodgepodge of mildly funny slapstick and hit you over the head style of joke telling that McFarlane is known for, AMWTDITW just never seems to find it's stride as a movie or as a vehicle for humor, it's just too all over the place. Neeson is barely in it and while the leads try their damnedest to make the story engaging in a meaningful way, it just isn't. It almost feels like the film was a thrown together afterthought, which is odd considering the amount of star power.
Like I said earlier, there's some funny stuff, but almost all of it comes from the supporting cast who get very little screen time once the main story starts and as the film drug on I was much more interested in seeing them than the main players.
There may be a million ways to die in the west, but not enough of em are funny.
A hodgepodge of mildly funny slapstick and hit you over the head style of joke telling that McFarlane is known for, AMWTDITW just never seems to find it's stride as a movie or as a vehicle for humor, it's just too all over the place. Neeson is barely in it and while the leads try their damnedest to make the story engaging in a meaningful way, it just isn't. It almost feels like the film was a thrown together afterthought, which is odd considering the amount of star power.
Like I said earlier, there's some funny stuff, but almost all of it comes from the supporting cast who get very little screen time once the main story starts and as the film drug on I was much more interested in seeing them than the main players.
There may be a million ways to die in the west, but not enough of em are funny.
Pacific Rim: 52 Out Of 100 Stars
Monsters Vs Robots action flick that has every cliche imaginable but is still a fair amount of fun if you can turn your brain off. But be warned, you have to turn it wayyyyyyyyyyy off.
Almost no part of the story makes any sense whatsoever, from how the monsters get here, to the things we use to fight them, to a weird plot point about building walls, it's just all an excuse for giant man controlled robots to fight giant modern dinosaurs from another dimension. And the fights are OK, certainly worlds better than anything the Transformers movies have given us. It's just that after we've seen a robot punch or throw a dinosaur for the 30th time, you have to wonder exactly what kind of money goes into building a machine whose biggest asset seems to be that it can throw a punch. Yes there are weapons, but they're only used after a good 5-10 minutes of fisticuffs so the movie can get all it's action in.
The characters and they're troubles are too laughable to really be offensive, so in that sense it's not a complete wash out. Dads and sons at odds, orphans and their guardians, a dog who runs around and two scientists who seem like they'd be just as at home at a chuckle hut as in a laboratory.
Idris Alba, god bless him, he's given the weight of most of the serious dialog but sweet Jesus it was cringe worthy at times watching Stringer Fucking Bell try and humanize this shitty story. I'm thinking I may not have liked this as much as I thought I did, I dunno.
Look, I watched the whole thing and I never felt like it wasn't awful but I never really wanted to turn it off either. So whatever. It's a big dumb movie. There.
Almost no part of the story makes any sense whatsoever, from how the monsters get here, to the things we use to fight them, to a weird plot point about building walls, it's just all an excuse for giant man controlled robots to fight giant modern dinosaurs from another dimension. And the fights are OK, certainly worlds better than anything the Transformers movies have given us. It's just that after we've seen a robot punch or throw a dinosaur for the 30th time, you have to wonder exactly what kind of money goes into building a machine whose biggest asset seems to be that it can throw a punch. Yes there are weapons, but they're only used after a good 5-10 minutes of fisticuffs so the movie can get all it's action in.
The characters and they're troubles are too laughable to really be offensive, so in that sense it's not a complete wash out. Dads and sons at odds, orphans and their guardians, a dog who runs around and two scientists who seem like they'd be just as at home at a chuckle hut as in a laboratory.
Idris Alba, god bless him, he's given the weight of most of the serious dialog but sweet Jesus it was cringe worthy at times watching Stringer Fucking Bell try and humanize this shitty story. I'm thinking I may not have liked this as much as I thought I did, I dunno.
Look, I watched the whole thing and I never felt like it wasn't awful but I never really wanted to turn it off either. So whatever. It's a big dumb movie. There.
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Anchorman 2: 40 Out Of 100 Stars
Almost gave this one a flat even 50 but that's not fair. The simple fact is that the 2nd half of this movie was awful and stupid.
Now the first half had me laughing and seemed to set everything up nicely, then Ron goes blind and it turns into something that plays more like really bad Adult Swim than legitimate comedy. The fight scene in the park almost made up for it but by then it was just finding a dollar bill in the garbage you're waist deep in.
Tonights story, enough of this shit already.
Now the first half had me laughing and seemed to set everything up nicely, then Ron goes blind and it turns into something that plays more like really bad Adult Swim than legitimate comedy. The fight scene in the park almost made up for it but by then it was just finding a dollar bill in the garbage you're waist deep in.
Tonights story, enough of this shit already.
The Last Stand: 29 Out Of 100 Stars
Think of every dumb action movie you've ever seen, take the absolute dumbest parts of them, hit those parts in the head so hard they suffer brain injuries, then piece them together and you've got The Last Stand.
I'm being slightly unfair, the parts in the town with Arnold and his rag tag gang is at times legit fun, and at other time legit so stupid it's fun. Unfortunately, you have to sit through a setup so ball numbingly awful to get there.
Forest Whittaker, maybe asleep, is playing a federal agent in charge of transporting a drug kingpin to death row. Wouldn't ya know it, things don't work out so smooth. And thus begins an escape, chase, shoot em up, sequence that makes zero sense, is zero fun, and left me with 0 brain cells. And it goes on.....and on......and on.......and the movie just drags things out while we wait and wait for the promised showdown.
Then we get a good 20 minutes or so where there's at least some stupid fun shoot outs before we go back into more ridiculous chase.
The script is so stupid it doesn't just force you to turn your brain off, it forces you to turn your brain off, take it out, put it outside and let the birds peck at it for 2 hours. But worse than that, it's just not much fun. Boring and stupid is no way to go through a film.
Arnold, bless his heart, he tries but he's just not all that good here. Everyone is competent but most of the characters have been lifted from the manual so you aren't gonna get anything you haven't seen a million times before. Luis Guzman and Johnny Knoxville try and bring it, but they're hampered by their limited screen time. The Russian dude from Prison Break is glorious, playing...I don't know what he's playing, the accent waffles so much you could make a drinking game out of it.
The last stand is OK, it's the eternity you spend getting there that's the trouble.
I'm being slightly unfair, the parts in the town with Arnold and his rag tag gang is at times legit fun, and at other time legit so stupid it's fun. Unfortunately, you have to sit through a setup so ball numbingly awful to get there.
Forest Whittaker, maybe asleep, is playing a federal agent in charge of transporting a drug kingpin to death row. Wouldn't ya know it, things don't work out so smooth. And thus begins an escape, chase, shoot em up, sequence that makes zero sense, is zero fun, and left me with 0 brain cells. And it goes on.....and on......and on.......and the movie just drags things out while we wait and wait for the promised showdown.
Then we get a good 20 minutes or so where there's at least some stupid fun shoot outs before we go back into more ridiculous chase.
The script is so stupid it doesn't just force you to turn your brain off, it forces you to turn your brain off, take it out, put it outside and let the birds peck at it for 2 hours. But worse than that, it's just not much fun. Boring and stupid is no way to go through a film.
Arnold, bless his heart, he tries but he's just not all that good here. Everyone is competent but most of the characters have been lifted from the manual so you aren't gonna get anything you haven't seen a million times before. Luis Guzman and Johnny Knoxville try and bring it, but they're hampered by their limited screen time. The Russian dude from Prison Break is glorious, playing...I don't know what he's playing, the accent waffles so much you could make a drinking game out of it.
The last stand is OK, it's the eternity you spend getting there that's the trouble.
Kick Ass 2: 40 Out Of 100 Stars
Pretty disappointing follow up that trades focus for brevity while at the same time jumbling it's message in a sea of shock value that doesn't go much more than skin deep.
For all the shit he gets, Nicolas Cage made the first movie work. Here, left to their own devices, the script does no service at all to the young talent trying to carry this movie. There are moments where it seems like they're trying really hard to add that layer of seriousness and drama that Cage provided in the first movie, but all the moments come like flashes and are surrounded by too much silly shit.
The first film was so good that it was easy to forgive some of the shit they did, but here, watching teenagers dance around to songs about making that pussy drop, it's just cheap man, real cheap. And the rape shit is just off the charts stupid and uncomfortable, but they didn't have the balls to leave it in, because then you'd have to do some real explaining about why and how it's OK to do that in such a shitty movie.
I will grant that a good of the deal of the funny stuff is funny, if awkward. I bet there are a few versions of the script that focus more on the dark side or more on the funny side, but this finished product is just a jumble that doesn't do either version properly.
Jim Carey is really good and tries his damn best, but it's not enough.
The Kick Ass franchise is kicked, empty the bowl.
For all the shit he gets, Nicolas Cage made the first movie work. Here, left to their own devices, the script does no service at all to the young talent trying to carry this movie. There are moments where it seems like they're trying really hard to add that layer of seriousness and drama that Cage provided in the first movie, but all the moments come like flashes and are surrounded by too much silly shit.
The first film was so good that it was easy to forgive some of the shit they did, but here, watching teenagers dance around to songs about making that pussy drop, it's just cheap man, real cheap. And the rape shit is just off the charts stupid and uncomfortable, but they didn't have the balls to leave it in, because then you'd have to do some real explaining about why and how it's OK to do that in such a shitty movie.
I will grant that a good of the deal of the funny stuff is funny, if awkward. I bet there are a few versions of the script that focus more on the dark side or more on the funny side, but this finished product is just a jumble that doesn't do either version properly.
Jim Carey is really good and tries his damn best, but it's not enough.
The Kick Ass franchise is kicked, empty the bowl.
Her: 67 Out Of 100 Stars
This fucker really twisted me around. On one hand there is some brilliant writing in this movie when it comes to relationships and how we interact with each other on a number of levels. On the other hand it's a man in love with a computer.
Set sometime in the future, probably not too to distant, Phoenix plays a lonely divorcee. A company develops on OS that personalizes itself to each individual user, and away we go. I guess it doesn't hurt that the OS has Scarlett Johanssons sweet voice.
My main problem with the film is that everything is told in a vacuum, which I suppose it has to be, because the more we were to understand about the science involved, the more complex and harder to hold together the story becomes. We never see how the rest of the world handles the OS, which clearly grows as the film goes on. For a world set so firmly in the digital, you'd think everyone would be fully aware of what's happening with the machines and what the end game was going to be long before the films final minutes. At two hours, the film does try and give us enough time to become entrenched in the world it's created and get past the initial feelings of how silly it seems for a man to have a relationship with a piece of software. Yes, I know a lot of stuff in the film can be seen as allegory, I get that. On the other hand, you really have to go all in on the premise for it to hit you very deep on a level that goes more than skin deep.
There's indy music, and indy imagery, and it's moving. I just kept feeling like I wanted something deeper than I was being given, but whatever. Phoenix is really strong, and like I said, there's some really strong writing and I appreciate the effort made here by everyone involved, it was just a little too hard to get everything to coherently sink in on the emotional level the film aims for. Still, I cried like a girl at the end, so there's that.
I think there's a really great story here, but I don't think it's a really great movie. I'd still recommend it though.
Set sometime in the future, probably not too to distant, Phoenix plays a lonely divorcee. A company develops on OS that personalizes itself to each individual user, and away we go. I guess it doesn't hurt that the OS has Scarlett Johanssons sweet voice.
My main problem with the film is that everything is told in a vacuum, which I suppose it has to be, because the more we were to understand about the science involved, the more complex and harder to hold together the story becomes. We never see how the rest of the world handles the OS, which clearly grows as the film goes on. For a world set so firmly in the digital, you'd think everyone would be fully aware of what's happening with the machines and what the end game was going to be long before the films final minutes. At two hours, the film does try and give us enough time to become entrenched in the world it's created and get past the initial feelings of how silly it seems for a man to have a relationship with a piece of software. Yes, I know a lot of stuff in the film can be seen as allegory, I get that. On the other hand, you really have to go all in on the premise for it to hit you very deep on a level that goes more than skin deep.
There's indy music, and indy imagery, and it's moving. I just kept feeling like I wanted something deeper than I was being given, but whatever. Phoenix is really strong, and like I said, there's some really strong writing and I appreciate the effort made here by everyone involved, it was just a little too hard to get everything to coherently sink in on the emotional level the film aims for. Still, I cried like a girl at the end, so there's that.
I think there's a really great story here, but I don't think it's a really great movie. I'd still recommend it though.
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