The 36 stars are mainly for Juno Temple, looking absolutely scrupulous, and Katheryn Hahn being brave as all fuck and getting plenty naked all throughout the movie. Other than that, this is a rather unfortunate mess of a film.
So Hahn is married mother of 1, but her and her husband aren't screwing. I don't know why, the script doesn't seem to know why, and no real answers are provided as the husband is pretty much written with all the depth of a potato.
Needing a spark in their life, the couple go to a strip club and Hahn ends up becoming infatuated in some way with a dancer, played by Temple.
The script is so all over the place and unfleshed that I'm not real sure if Hahn wants to save the stripper, fuck the stripper, write a book about the stripper, who the fuck knows. Anyway, she finds out that Temple does a little more than strip but this doesn't seem to bother Hahns character much as she still lets her live in her house with her husband and kid, both of whom might not as well exist for the movies first 70 minutes or so.
So shit happens that I'll not spoil, but it doesn't much matter. The film seems to take joy in having people do stupid things, never communicate and seemingly exist on different planes altogether for no good reason. Then when it's time to wrap things up in a tidy bow, we're expected to have some sort of affinity for the plight the characters have gone through to get there. Sorry man, it's a shitty story told in a shitty fashion and Hahns effort and willingness to bare herself, literally and metaphorically, is fucking wasted. And that's a damn shame.
Afternoon Delight is all smoke and no fire.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Inside Llewyn Davis: 84 Out Of 100 Stars
Oscar Issac as the lead, gives what has been my favorite performance so far this year.
Set in the early 60's, Issac stars as a folk singer, too young to be so beaten down by the business and by life. In typical Coen brothers style, there's so much nuanced stuff going on, and so many layers to Davis, seen and unseen, referenced and unsaid. Also in typical Coen brothers style, there are characters that float in and out, some like John Goodman whom are marvelous, and others not so much.
The story really relies on Issac to carry the burden of the films message and he is just fucking fantastic. Burdened and beaten down but never out, no matter how times he himself, or outside forces try and pull him down. As depressing as it can get, there's always this sort of twinkle in Issacs eyes that gives you faith.
No disrespect to the other great movies I've seen so far this year, but it's nice to see a film this good built from scratch and not based on anything other than the wonderful creative minds of it's writers.
Not the Coen brothers best work, because the universe isn't quite as strong. But damn, does the star shine.
Set in the early 60's, Issac stars as a folk singer, too young to be so beaten down by the business and by life. In typical Coen brothers style, there's so much nuanced stuff going on, and so many layers to Davis, seen and unseen, referenced and unsaid. Also in typical Coen brothers style, there are characters that float in and out, some like John Goodman whom are marvelous, and others not so much.
The story really relies on Issac to carry the burden of the films message and he is just fucking fantastic. Burdened and beaten down but never out, no matter how times he himself, or outside forces try and pull him down. As depressing as it can get, there's always this sort of twinkle in Issacs eyes that gives you faith.
No disrespect to the other great movies I've seen so far this year, but it's nice to see a film this good built from scratch and not based on anything other than the wonderful creative minds of it's writers.
Not the Coen brothers best work, because the universe isn't quite as strong. But damn, does the star shine.
Dallas Buyers Club: 73 Out Of 100 Stars
McConaughey and Leto both give tremendous performances in this story about the early days of AIDS and how a homophobic straight man and a cross dressing gay men, team up to help get drugs to those who need them.
Gritty and at times depressingly realistic, the film doesn't really stray to far from where you can see it's going, but that's ok. At times Jennifer Garner seems a little out of place but what can ya do, it's Hollywood.
There is at times, a sort of weird fluctuation between biopic and straight ahead fiction, but the performances from the leads help overcome that.
A film that would have served McConaughey better if it had given him a little more focus pre aids, he and Leto still manage to transcend whatever flaws the script has in that regard and makes this a pretty beautiful film, seeped in the ugliness of the early days of the aids epidemic.
Gritty and at times depressingly realistic, the film doesn't really stray to far from where you can see it's going, but that's ok. At times Jennifer Garner seems a little out of place but what can ya do, it's Hollywood.
There is at times, a sort of weird fluctuation between biopic and straight ahead fiction, but the performances from the leads help overcome that.
A film that would have served McConaughey better if it had given him a little more focus pre aids, he and Leto still manage to transcend whatever flaws the script has in that regard and makes this a pretty beautiful film, seeped in the ugliness of the early days of the aids epidemic.
Captain Phillips: 78 Out Of 100 Stars
Now this is how you do a big action movie. I was pretty surprised by the turn of events during the film as for whatever reason I didn't expect near the amount of action. Maybe it's because I just don't think of Tom Hanks, action star.
Hanks gives his usual top notch performance, but it's Barkhad Abdi who steals the show. He's got a look that's at once terrifying and sympathetic and helps draw you into Hanks' character even more because you're never really sure how much you can or can't reason with him.
The script is damn tight and takes you through 3 distinct acts that never drag and build nicely upon each other. It also doesn't just separate the story into good guys and bad guys, the pirates are doing a job they have to do. The script is so good that at points you're hoping the bad guys come to their senses. Just really well put together.
It's a joy to watch a film that clearly takes pride in technical efficiency when it comes to it's action. There's nothing here that's over the top in the way it's portrayed yet it's 10 times as exciting as most chase/blow em up type movies.
A wonderful film in every aspect, Captain Phillips is strongly written, acted and shot, and builds superbly to the films climactic 15 minutes where you can't help but feel for everyone involved.
Hanks gives his usual top notch performance, but it's Barkhad Abdi who steals the show. He's got a look that's at once terrifying and sympathetic and helps draw you into Hanks' character even more because you're never really sure how much you can or can't reason with him.
The script is damn tight and takes you through 3 distinct acts that never drag and build nicely upon each other. It also doesn't just separate the story into good guys and bad guys, the pirates are doing a job they have to do. The script is so good that at points you're hoping the bad guys come to their senses. Just really well put together.
It's a joy to watch a film that clearly takes pride in technical efficiency when it comes to it's action. There's nothing here that's over the top in the way it's portrayed yet it's 10 times as exciting as most chase/blow em up type movies.
A wonderful film in every aspect, Captain Phillips is strongly written, acted and shot, and builds superbly to the films climactic 15 minutes where you can't help but feel for everyone involved.
All Is Lost: 30 Out Of 100 Stars
All is boring is more like it. God dammit. I love Robert Redford, and despite him looking every bit his nearly 80 years in this film, he really does a fantastic job with the physical performance. The problem is it's just so insanely boring. His boat encounters some damage, he does some shit, but not being a sailor I have no idea what the fuck he's doing. I guess I was rooting for him to succeed in whatever the hell it was, but it's hard to get invested in outside of, I hope he don't die doing that.
There's almost no dialog in the movie, and I mean that. After the first 30 seconds of the movie I think he says about 10 words for the next 90 minutes. The other thing is, the movie opens cold with him on his boat. Eventually we find out where he is, but the why and the who are left a mystery. I understand what the film is trying to do, but it just doesn't work.
As the film wore on I couldn't help thinking of Paul Newman and how after Nobodys Fool he probably had a good 10-12 years where he could have made one final great movie, and it never came. If this is Redfords swan song than it's a fucking waste. That probably pissed me off more than anything.
The old man in the sea, just not how I wanted to see the old man go out.
There's almost no dialog in the movie, and I mean that. After the first 30 seconds of the movie I think he says about 10 words for the next 90 minutes. The other thing is, the movie opens cold with him on his boat. Eventually we find out where he is, but the why and the who are left a mystery. I understand what the film is trying to do, but it just doesn't work.
As the film wore on I couldn't help thinking of Paul Newman and how after Nobodys Fool he probably had a good 10-12 years where he could have made one final great movie, and it never came. If this is Redfords swan song than it's a fucking waste. That probably pissed me off more than anything.
The old man in the sea, just not how I wanted to see the old man go out.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Bad Grandpa: 95 Out Of 100 Stars
Do I really feel like, in retrospect, this movie deserves a rating like this? Not really. On the other hand, I laughed like a mental patient pretty much all the way through. I mean, my fucking stomach was hurting and I think I might have coughed up some blood at some point or pooped myself. That's how hard I was laughing. And I can't ignore that when judging it. I seriously hadn't laughed that hard at a movie in a longgggggg time.
The thing is, when trying to describe it to a friend, I found myself thinking, "I really don't know how to describe how this was funny. Balls come out, dicks get stuck in stuff, poop is involved". I'd probably be rolling my eyes if the situation were reversed and it was being explained to me by someone. And yet I seriously didn't stop belly laughing throughout the whole damn thing.
I think the thing is that there's always been a sort of tenderness and warm hearted tone to a lot of the Jackass material, especially from Knoxville. It's not just idiots doing stupid things, it's friends doing things together. You could always feel the love they have for each other, and that adds a layer to a lot of the stuff they do, and this movie really takes that to the nth degree with Knoxville and the kid. You feel like they're truly having a grand time together, and as silly as the "movie" portion of the movie is, it works wonderfully because of that relationship. There are scenes with just the two of them together where it honest to god feels like they're having the time of their lives, and that really carries over into the story. It says something about how transcending, honest and raw emotion can be.
I guess that's probably it. For every dick getting stuck in something joke, there's a moment of real sweetness. There's a grandpa and his grandson, learning about each other and learning to love. I honestly think there are very few actors who could do what Knoxville does here, and the kid more than holds his weight as well.
Fuck it, I loved this movie and I'm not ashamed to say it. The story more than holds it own to go along with the jokes and pranks. Combine the two and you have a near masterpiece.
The thing is, when trying to describe it to a friend, I found myself thinking, "I really don't know how to describe how this was funny. Balls come out, dicks get stuck in stuff, poop is involved". I'd probably be rolling my eyes if the situation were reversed and it was being explained to me by someone. And yet I seriously didn't stop belly laughing throughout the whole damn thing.
I think the thing is that there's always been a sort of tenderness and warm hearted tone to a lot of the Jackass material, especially from Knoxville. It's not just idiots doing stupid things, it's friends doing things together. You could always feel the love they have for each other, and that adds a layer to a lot of the stuff they do, and this movie really takes that to the nth degree with Knoxville and the kid. You feel like they're truly having a grand time together, and as silly as the "movie" portion of the movie is, it works wonderfully because of that relationship. There are scenes with just the two of them together where it honest to god feels like they're having the time of their lives, and that really carries over into the story. It says something about how transcending, honest and raw emotion can be.
I guess that's probably it. For every dick getting stuck in something joke, there's a moment of real sweetness. There's a grandpa and his grandson, learning about each other and learning to love. I honestly think there are very few actors who could do what Knoxville does here, and the kid more than holds his weight as well.
Fuck it, I loved this movie and I'm not ashamed to say it. The story more than holds it own to go along with the jokes and pranks. Combine the two and you have a near masterpiece.
American Hustle: 75 Out Of 100 Stars
Very good movie, that for whatever reason just never slips into realm of greatness that it feels like it's teetering on.
The direction, the sets and the acting are all top notch, the problem might be that the start of the story seems.....I dunno, too manufactured? The set up borrows heavily from the way Vegas and Goodfellas did it, but this doesn't hold the same weight.
Once things get rolling, the story is pretty good, but really this is a film carried by Bale, who is fucking amazing. And Jeremy Renner is probably going to be criminally under looked, but my god was he awesome in this. Amy Adams actually didn't irritate me as much as she usually does, but Bradley Cooper is starting to wear on me some. Actually it's not much his fault, at some point it just became irritating how much the movie tried to bash me over the head with "this is a guy living in the 70's". I mean, he may as well have been trying to be a disco king. Louis CK, though a bit jarring watching him play an actual role, is also really fun. Jennifer Lawrence, I'm not so sure what the point of her was, she just seemed out of place playing the weathered mom. Out of place and unnecessary if I'm being honest, and this is coming from someone who would do the proverbial gross things to do the proverbial gross things to her.
The story is pretty fun, though at times it tries to come across as a lot more clever than it actually is, but I can forgive that. The thing to me was, a lot of the time that was spent on Cooper and Adams kind of kept pushing against how great I think the movie could have been if it was focused more on Bale and Renner who really had a couple of emotional, top flight performances that the movie would have been better served to give more focus too. I'm probably complaining too much about was really a good movie. Oh well.
So yeah, American Hustle is a strong, fun, period piece that might have a little too much going on, if only because Bale and Renner are so fantastic that you wish it was more focused on them and their relationship.
The direction, the sets and the acting are all top notch, the problem might be that the start of the story seems.....I dunno, too manufactured? The set up borrows heavily from the way Vegas and Goodfellas did it, but this doesn't hold the same weight.
Once things get rolling, the story is pretty good, but really this is a film carried by Bale, who is fucking amazing. And Jeremy Renner is probably going to be criminally under looked, but my god was he awesome in this. Amy Adams actually didn't irritate me as much as she usually does, but Bradley Cooper is starting to wear on me some. Actually it's not much his fault, at some point it just became irritating how much the movie tried to bash me over the head with "this is a guy living in the 70's". I mean, he may as well have been trying to be a disco king. Louis CK, though a bit jarring watching him play an actual role, is also really fun. Jennifer Lawrence, I'm not so sure what the point of her was, she just seemed out of place playing the weathered mom. Out of place and unnecessary if I'm being honest, and this is coming from someone who would do the proverbial gross things to do the proverbial gross things to her.
The story is pretty fun, though at times it tries to come across as a lot more clever than it actually is, but I can forgive that. The thing to me was, a lot of the time that was spent on Cooper and Adams kind of kept pushing against how great I think the movie could have been if it was focused more on Bale and Renner who really had a couple of emotional, top flight performances that the movie would have been better served to give more focus too. I'm probably complaining too much about was really a good movie. Oh well.
So yeah, American Hustle is a strong, fun, period piece that might have a little too much going on, if only because Bale and Renner are so fantastic that you wish it was more focused on them and their relationship.
Friday, January 3, 2014
We're The Millers: 20 Out Of 100 Stars
I had to tap about 90 minutes into the two hour extended version. What possessed me to watch the extended version in the first place, I'll never know.
It just doesn't get any lazier than this. A movie that requires all of it's comedy to come from asinine decision after asinine decision and makes sure every one of it's characters does the dumbest thing possible at all times. The script is shit, the comedy isn't funny, because there's always an easier solution, but then they wouldn't be able to jam in all these "comedic" situations down your throat.
The leads just don't work. Sudekis tries I suppose, but he's really got nothing to work with. And please, no more of 45 year old Jennifer Aniston doing half assed strip teases, please. I was never quite sure if the kids in the movie were kids or adults. Half the time they're treated like children, but the script has them doing quite adult things the other half of the time. I guess whatever suited the situation was good enough, why bother trying to flesh anything out, that would require effort.
Nick Offerman and Katherine Hahn, two legitimately funny people, do their best with the shitty characters they're given, but even they get old real quick.
I want a medal for making it as far as I did. I guess a little part of me was hoping they would just drive that fucking RV right into the Grand Canyon and plummet to their fucking deaths. Maybe that's in the last half hour.
It just doesn't get any lazier than this. A movie that requires all of it's comedy to come from asinine decision after asinine decision and makes sure every one of it's characters does the dumbest thing possible at all times. The script is shit, the comedy isn't funny, because there's always an easier solution, but then they wouldn't be able to jam in all these "comedic" situations down your throat.
The leads just don't work. Sudekis tries I suppose, but he's really got nothing to work with. And please, no more of 45 year old Jennifer Aniston doing half assed strip teases, please. I was never quite sure if the kids in the movie were kids or adults. Half the time they're treated like children, but the script has them doing quite adult things the other half of the time. I guess whatever suited the situation was good enough, why bother trying to flesh anything out, that would require effort.
Nick Offerman and Katherine Hahn, two legitimately funny people, do their best with the shitty characters they're given, but even they get old real quick.
I want a medal for making it as far as I did. I guess a little part of me was hoping they would just drive that fucking RV right into the Grand Canyon and plummet to their fucking deaths. Maybe that's in the last half hour.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Gravity: 68 Out Of 100 Stars
The problem with Gravity is that actually loses tension as the film goes on.
The opening shots, even on my 24 inch monitor, were astounding and I have no doubt that on a big screen it's even more awe inspiring. It's certainly a visually stunning movie, so props for that.
It was also very hard to watch for the first 30 minutes or so. Not necessarily in a bad way, but I just felt really uncomfortable. I wasn't just on the edge of my seat, I was off it. But it wasn't like I was rooting for Bullocks character, I was just so queasy that I wanted things to progress so my nerves could settle down. It's hard to explain but I don't know if that reaction is what you want to get out of the viewer.
Once things settle down and you get used to the backdrop and it becomes more of a normal, progressing story, well, it becomes much more of a normal, progressing story that's above average but not anything groundbreaking. In fact watching calamity after calamity sort of got a bit tiring. But it's short enough and the ending is solid enough that I'm not gonna rant too much.
I'd certainly recommend at least trying to watch Gravity, but I'm not real positive you get much more of the intended effect of the film than you do from just watching the trailer.
The opening shots, even on my 24 inch monitor, were astounding and I have no doubt that on a big screen it's even more awe inspiring. It's certainly a visually stunning movie, so props for that.
It was also very hard to watch for the first 30 minutes or so. Not necessarily in a bad way, but I just felt really uncomfortable. I wasn't just on the edge of my seat, I was off it. But it wasn't like I was rooting for Bullocks character, I was just so queasy that I wanted things to progress so my nerves could settle down. It's hard to explain but I don't know if that reaction is what you want to get out of the viewer.
Once things settle down and you get used to the backdrop and it becomes more of a normal, progressing story, well, it becomes much more of a normal, progressing story that's above average but not anything groundbreaking. In fact watching calamity after calamity sort of got a bit tiring. But it's short enough and the ending is solid enough that I'm not gonna rant too much.
I'd certainly recommend at least trying to watch Gravity, but I'm not real positive you get much more of the intended effect of the film than you do from just watching the trailer.
Grown Ups 2: 30 Out Of 100 Stars
Ok, so 30 is probably too high but I have to admit that I enjoyed the early part of the movie. I'm sorry, I find the idea of a moose pissing on people funny, sue me. The problem is that after about 30 minutes or so, where the lack of any sensible script at all can be forgiven, the movie just keeps going further and further into nonsense land and it become painfully clear that there isn't much of a script here at all. Also, the laughs kind of wane, even the crudeness becomes mind numbing because of the COMPLETE lack of a story.
A rushed, ill conceived, hodgepodge collection of mediocre standup in the guise of a feature film, Grown Ups 2 is just Sandler and company comedicly jerking off for 90 minutes. Which would be ok if it were actually funny.
A rushed, ill conceived, hodgepodge collection of mediocre standup in the guise of a feature film, Grown Ups 2 is just Sandler and company comedicly jerking off for 90 minutes. Which would be ok if it were actually funny.
Man Of Steel: 44 Out Of 100 Stars
Man, the trailer had me all excited for something more than a big, silly, action movie. The trailer done lied to me.
There's just wayyyyyy too much story here for my tastes, or at least story I had no interest in, or at least story that I may have had some interest in, just not this damn much.
The shit on Crypton is silly and goes on for what felt like half my life, then I gotta deal with fucking Amy Adams and the Lois Lane portion of the film, I mean for fuck sakes, they could have called this movie Girl Of Pluck cause it seems she's in it more than Henry Cavizal.
We got spaceships, special effect liquid spaghetti monsters, the codec, more silly myth and back story than anyone needs, and interspersed with all that we have what looks an awesome story about Supermans burden and the burden of his father, played by a woefully underutilized Kevin Costner.
The problem is that the movie jumps around so much, that just when I'm getting into the story about Clark as a boy and his family and his struggle with his powers, I'm flipped back aboard a spaceship watching Russell Crowes ghost give soliloquies via special decoder ring. At least if the story had been told in natural progression I could say I enjoyed that half hour or whatever, but alas nobody took into account what I wanted.
Cavazil really is great as Superman, and I wish they had allowed him to do more. Much more in fact. Zod is also damn good, which makes me wish the interactions between the two had amounted to something more interesting than a lot of smashing shit.
Then there's Amy Adams, who I may be the only person on Earth who just doesn't get. I don't find her sexy, I don't find her interesting, I don't find her acting anything more than competent, and yet it seems that half the world is having wet dreams over her. Color me clueless. Crowe is good, but enough of him already. I could have done with a complete redistribution of his and Costners arcs in the film. Then poor Chris Meloni, bless his heart but he looks like a TV actor lost in a major motion picture. Richard Schiff is criminally underused but at least he got a nice paycheck.
The action is big and loud, and one has to wonder exactly how many trillions of dollars in damage were done in saving the Earth. Buildings fall down, stuff explodes, spaceships shoot death rays, it's endless, it's numbing, and it's not much fun.
There's probably a good movie here centered around Clark Kent and General Zod, unfortunately it's woven into a long, drawn out, over explained smash em up that at over two and a half hours, left me exhausted and frustrated.
There's just wayyyyyy too much story here for my tastes, or at least story I had no interest in, or at least story that I may have had some interest in, just not this damn much.
The shit on Crypton is silly and goes on for what felt like half my life, then I gotta deal with fucking Amy Adams and the Lois Lane portion of the film, I mean for fuck sakes, they could have called this movie Girl Of Pluck cause it seems she's in it more than Henry Cavizal.
We got spaceships, special effect liquid spaghetti monsters, the codec, more silly myth and back story than anyone needs, and interspersed with all that we have what looks an awesome story about Supermans burden and the burden of his father, played by a woefully underutilized Kevin Costner.
The problem is that the movie jumps around so much, that just when I'm getting into the story about Clark as a boy and his family and his struggle with his powers, I'm flipped back aboard a spaceship watching Russell Crowes ghost give soliloquies via special decoder ring. At least if the story had been told in natural progression I could say I enjoyed that half hour or whatever, but alas nobody took into account what I wanted.
Cavazil really is great as Superman, and I wish they had allowed him to do more. Much more in fact. Zod is also damn good, which makes me wish the interactions between the two had amounted to something more interesting than a lot of smashing shit.
Then there's Amy Adams, who I may be the only person on Earth who just doesn't get. I don't find her sexy, I don't find her interesting, I don't find her acting anything more than competent, and yet it seems that half the world is having wet dreams over her. Color me clueless. Crowe is good, but enough of him already. I could have done with a complete redistribution of his and Costners arcs in the film. Then poor Chris Meloni, bless his heart but he looks like a TV actor lost in a major motion picture. Richard Schiff is criminally underused but at least he got a nice paycheck.
The action is big and loud, and one has to wonder exactly how many trillions of dollars in damage were done in saving the Earth. Buildings fall down, stuff explodes, spaceships shoot death rays, it's endless, it's numbing, and it's not much fun.
There's probably a good movie here centered around Clark Kent and General Zod, unfortunately it's woven into a long, drawn out, over explained smash em up that at over two and a half hours, left me exhausted and frustrated.
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