Set in the town of Golderton, yes Golderton. This Sci-Fiesque film is about a monster that has been trapped in an abandoned gold mine for over a century, but when new attempts at excavation set him free, watch out Golderton.
The monster, badly CGI'd, looks like a giant vagina with teeth, legs, and five heads. I don't know whether to award points for originality, or subtract points for absurdity. The cast is rather large, but filled with the only people in town who do anything. There's the round, boisterous, ready to have a heart attack in every scene, cowboy gold dealer, whose messing with the mine unleashes the beast. We have two cops, one of whom has a panic attack every time he gets nervous, which goes from being silly to annoying in very little time. We have an attractive Asian girl, who provides a twofer as the town coroner AND relaxation therapist, helping out our troubled cop. Then we have the younger siblings of all the characters, just because teenagers, why not. Oh, and Marion Ross has a brief appearance as a crotchety old lady. Nothing like seeing a giant vagina dismember Mrs. Cunningham.
So the creature escapes and starts dishing out some murder, while the anxiety ridden cop is given a history lesson by the grandmother of the Asian coroner, at least I think it's her grandmother, they never bother to let us know. There's 3 generations of Asian women all living in the same house but they all call each other by their first names so maybe the script just didn't get that far. Anyhoo, she explains that many years ago the mine collapsed, and instead of helping the men they just moved on to a different part of the cave and started blasting there, leaving the 5 men to die. Then the wife of one of the men put a curse on or something, and voila, monster. The monster is a manifestation of the mens fears, and it uses that fear to paralyze it's victims before devouring it, which is not good news at all for our already jittery cop. So after telling this long, insane, intensive story, when the old lady and the cop realize the kids have snuck out, she exclaims "they said something about going somewhere called the mine!" as if she had no idea what this place was.
The sheriff, upon finding a bloodbath at the mine, sends home the only other cop he has, because of his anxiety you see, and instead calls upon a bunch of cons and hunters to help him hunt down this creature. That's gotta violate some sort of union clause I would think. This posse is not real great though, because when a bunch of youngsters, including the cops hot little sister, the sheriffs son, and the youngest of the Asian family, head towards the mine to have a little sex party, they pass right by one of the guys whose entire attempt at stopping them consists of yelling "hey, that's private property", and then he keeps walking.
The ridiculousness just keeps piling on as we get plot points like the cop, knowing his little sister and a bunch of other kids are in trouble, instead of heading right out there, stops to try and convince the coroner/therapist to drive out there with him to calm his nerves. The cowboy gold dealer wanting to trap the monster because it bleeds gold, thus it can make him rich, and two of the cons from the posse finding the kids in the woods and deciding to forgo their regular raping ways and just steal their jeep.
It all leads to a final showdown in the mine where the cop has to deal with his anxiety issues to save the girl he loves from a giant 5 headed vagina monster, it's every bit as absurd as you'd imagine.
While it loses some charm in the fact that it makes no attempt to be good or make sense as a story, Heebie Jeebies is still a fair amount of dumb fun with a few decent kills and a good pace.
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