Tuesday, October 22, 2013

2013 Horror Fest: Infection, The Invasion Begins: 40 Out Of 100 Stars

Oh my. Oh mercy me. Written, Produced and starring Bryan Brewer, Infection is a captivating hodgepodge of bad writing, bad acting and hooorrrrribbblllle effects, and yet, on some level I have to applaud this Brewer guy for achieving something. I mean, here's a movie with his name on the marquee. My god is it an awful movie, and how delusional does he have to be to think that this is good, or had any reason to be made. But still, I applaud him.

Deke returns to his hometown after 10 years in prison for murder. Nobody in town wants him there, not his mom, not the sheriff, not his old pals, nobody except his old girlfriend, who may still harbor feelings for Deke.

This dude, bless him, I know he thinks Deke is a bad ass character, and I know he thinks he can pull it off, but my lord. Couldn't anyone pull him aside and suggest doing better things with his time and money?

Looking like he just stepped off the set of Saved By The Bell, Deke gives stern looks and plays the bad ass with a cool demeanor, the kind of guy we all wanted to be when we were 12. So Deke comes back into town at the same time a meteor with a payload of cosmic tapeworms crashes in the hills across the street from the diner his old girlfriend works in.

The thing I don't get is, this dude makes this movie, putting what had to have been a great deal of effort into it, and yet just about every scene and character motivation are pretty much lifted every bad movie you've ever seen, it's just that the acting here is worse. I could write forever about the nonsensical nature of just about every scene in the movie but that would take forever, so I'll just try and hit the high points.

Deke is super cool and he's having a bad day, we're reminded of this about 10 times during the film when Deke exclaims "this is not my day".

Deke gets into a fight with 3 guys who don't want him back in town, in the middle of the fight two of the guys get attacked by the worm monsters, Deke then walks 5 feet where the Sheriff is just hanging out, oblivious to anything.

Makeout Point is where the meteor crashed, it's also a moving spot of land, because no matter where the characters in the movie are, they're 20 feet from Makeout Point.

Deke and his girlfriend get help from an old high school friend who's still doing "that science thing", as Deke so eloquently puts it. We know he's a scientist because his trailer is full of beakers and X-Rays. It's here that Deke figures out that the worms can be killed by caffeine, because the scientist has been up all night drinking coffee, and the worms didn't kill him. Magnificent.

The Deputy gives Deke his gun because........well because Deke is a bad ass, and the only guy cool enough to go and make sure there aren't any monsters out.

Deke gets injured, for the sole apparent purpose of giving Bryan an excuse to take his shirt off.

Dekes mom is such a bad actress that I legit could not tell when she was and when she wasn't infected, it's highly plausible that the actress herself had no idea.

All of the effects look to be photo shopped, and not even well. The fire is green. Fire is not green. They may be the worst effects I've ever seen.

The only thing original about the movie is the story that bookends it, set way in the future and using graphics make the original Tron look like the new Tron. And it's fucking incomprehensible, so perhaps it was better that the body of the film was cut and paste. It also threatens us with a sequel.

OK, enough of that. Listen, it's humorous yes, but it's so drawn out and redundant and not for one single moment do you care about anything happening except to laugh at it. God bless you Bryan Brewer, you've made your movie. Now please don't ever make another one.

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