Produced by, and featuring a cameo by Queen Latifah, starring Terrance Howard & Peter Fonda, and featuring a cavalcade of hot chicks who have no aversion to showing off their asses, House Of Bodies is a fucking bore of a movie with a silly ass script.
Peter Fonda killed and mutilated a bunch of women, Terrance Howard is the cop that put him away. Now that more women are being killed in the exact same way, Howard gives Fonda a visit in jail for some help figuring out what's going on. It's all very Silence Of The Lambs, without any of the quality. At the same time, the house that Fonda did all his murdering and eviscerating in is currently being used by a bunch of chicks to run a website where whack jobs watch them 24/7 and even sometimes request that they reenact some of the iconic murders that occurred there. But wait, it gets dumber.
Our heroine is a new girl, and she's cute and shy and has trouble even chatting with the guys watching her online. That is until she meets a diabetic, deaf/mute All-American kid who hacks into the system in order to chat with her and they have a meet cute more apropos for an ice cream social than a torture porn website.
Now all the bedrooms in this place are located off a hallway that can't be any more than 15 feet long, yet somehow a killer starts picking girls off without anyone in the house or watching online noticing. When the power goes out, our heroes only option is to try and turn the power back on from his computer, because he's a hacker, and because he's mute, and because the script is fucking stupid.
There's really not a single redeeming thing going on here. The parts with the girls in the house are ridiculous, the parts with Howard & Fonda are supposed to be leading to a compelling mystery, but most of their dialog seems as if it's coming from a general outline and not an actual script. The 'action', as it were is laughable, unless of course a mute kid, suffering from low blood sugar trying to call 9-1-1 sounds like your idea of excitement. The gore is minimal, and no amount of pretty bottoms would have been able to save this junker.
Stay out of this house.
No comments:
Post a Comment