Tuesday, October 28, 2014

2014 Horror Fest: Slumber Party Massacre 3: 33 Out Of 100 Stars

SPM 3 is a standalone movie, ignoring the storyline from either of the first two movies, but borrowing liberally from the plot of the original. It also throws a child molestation storyline in just for good measure. Good, stupid, measure.

From 1990, Julies parents are gone for the weekend so she's gonna have a slumber party. The opening scene where they're playing volleyball on the beach is cheesy fun, I'll admit that much.

Once the film kicks into gear though, there's just too much going on. Besides the 6 or 7 girls, there are 3 boyfriends, a creepy neighbor, a dorky hanger on, another creepy kid following them around all day and a hunk who used to go to school with the kids. Just too many fucking characters and a silly attempt to build a mystery around who the actual killer is.

Just like the original, once they realize there's a killer in the house they can't figure out what to do. Never mind that there are at least 10 of them this time, they're still utterly confounded as to how to get help when they could all just, ya know, leave together. They try calling the police, but apparently the town only has one cop, and he both answers the phones and responds to them, and he just can't be bothered with a bunch of hysterical girls. Oy.

The chase scenes are laughable, but not much fun. The girls, for all their trying, can't figure out how to open a door or unlock anything.

The final 30 minutes are perplexing to say the least. The more shit that happens, the less and less effort is made to make anything look real. At one point an apartment wrestling video breaks out. Girls literally stand around for minutes watching the killer struggle with one of their half naked friends. There's fun cheese, and then there's cheese that's just so horribly insulting to your intelligence that it makes you want to put a drill through your own head.

The acting is wooden, the characters offer nothing that makes you care much about any of them and the killers motivations are silly. There's some T&A, but mostly it's just really obvious body doubles, including a shot of a girl whipping off her bra, we see a pair of boobs, and then in the next shot she's got her bra back on. Don't insult me like that you stupid movie.

Dumb in every way, Slumber Party Massacre 3 is a movie that knows what to do, but has no idea at all how to do it.

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