From 1981, the town of Valentine Bluff has a Valentines killer who doesn't want there to be a Valentines Day Dance. If ever a town was in need of re branding, it's this one.
So 20 years ago there was an accident in the mines and 5 miners got trapped. Only Harry Warden survived, and when he was finally rescued he was eating his co-workers. From there he went on a rampage, apparently upset that the town went on with the Valentines day festivities while he was trapped below the earth eating people for dinner.
Since then the town has decided to forgo all Valentines day activities, because despite the fact that he was captured and locked up, Harry promised that if there was ever another Valentines day dance he'd come back and kill everyone.
But you can't stop progress, and gosh darn it the kids want their damn Valentines day dance. Now, when I say kids, I'm talking about a group of twenty somethings who all work in the mines, most of whom are rather strapping. But the film insists on constantly referring to them as kids.
Of course once the dance is announced and the balloons and paper hearts are hung all over town, and I do mean all over town. The set decoration may be a little overdone here. Once that's done, bad things start to happen to the townsfolk, and away we go. The sheriff and the mayor, both of whom look like they've been smoking about 10 years longer than they've been alive, they don't want to scare the town, so they come up with an excuse to cancel the festivities while they try and figure out what's going on. The kids will have none of it however, and they plan their own secret party down at the mines.
As if all of this wasn't enough, we also have a soap opera going on as TJ and Axel, two old friends, are battling for the heart of Sarah. TJ left town sometime back to make it in L.A., what that means I have no idea, but whatever he was trying to do, he failed. When he left he broke Sarahs heart, so she hooked up with Axel. But now TJ is back and he wants his girl. The two men argue over her as if she were couch. Most of her say in the matter is reduced to being manhandled and told how much each guy loves her while she hems and haws and spends most of the damn movie never making a damn decision.
The kills are pretty fun and innovative, I'll give it that much. The setup isn't bad at all either, it's the films rather ponderous third act that really drags it down. A room full of 6'2, 220lb men realize there's a killer on the loose and immediately scatter back into town to get the middle aged, 150lb sheriff. This leaves only TJ and Axel to go down into the mines where some of their friends have decided to go for a little fun. The final chase scene goes on for what feels like forever while trying to build a twist that you see coming from a mile away, even in a dark abandoned mine.
It's not awful, but there are better movies you could choo-choo-choose to be your Valentine.
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