Fuck you Re-Animator. Fuck you right in your stupid fucking face. And fuck me for thinking with my pants and going against my better judgement just because Barbara Crampton gets her boobies out.
Sweet lord is this a stupid fucking movie. I mean...sweet lord is this a stupid fucking movie. There's not a single fucking thing in the entire film that doesn't seem like it was thought up on the fly as a way to fill time before the special effects take over.
Barbara Crampton, who I first saw in Body Double when I was like 11 or so, and who is pretty much responsible for me ruining the tape heads on my first VCR, stars as the daughter of a Dean at a medical school. She's dating the hot shot med student and all is good in the world until a creepy fucker shows up and starts killing cats and bringing dead people kind of back to life. Oh, and there may be a vampire too, but that kind of gets dropped halfway through the movie.
I have to believe that lot of this movie was left on the cutting room floor and something bad happened during the editing process. I have to believe that for my own sanity. The performances range from bad to baffling. A couple of the characters I'm not even sure what they were doing, I've got a theory that much like an improv exercise, some of the actors just switched characters from time to time. Crampton is naked a few times, and it is glorious, but unfortunately most of her screen time is spent acting.
If you know anything about this movie it's probably because of the sort of iconic gore and in particular a scene where a dismembered head gives Ms. Crampton a good licking. But the truth is that a lot of the effects are pretty cheesy, and not just because of age, so the movie doesn't even really excel in that regard. God damn it's just terrible.
I've never gotten a good vibe from this movie. And despite what my better angels were telling me, I just couldn't resist the idea of a movie full of Barabara Crampton running around naked. I'd like to say I've learned my lesson, but I have Bride Of Re-Animator sitting right here, and like the song says, "nothing like a bad decision says who you are".
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