Friday, November 16, 2012

2008 Horror Fest: Zombies, Zombies, Zombies!!!: 21 Out Of 100 Stars

You'd think a film supposedly about strippers fighting zombies would at least be a minimal amount of campy fun or the slightest bit sexy. Nope.

What we got here is a badly written, badly acted, not at all campy, rather lame film.

Story is about a doctor searching for the cure for cancer in what's supposed to be a lab, but looks more like a janitors closet. Anyway, he's dishing out free weed on the side (probably to make ends meet) and one the dope heads steals some of his medicinal test goo cause it looks like crack, even though it's green, whatever.

The dope head ends up giving some of it to the local pimp whose girls end up getting some of it and it turns them into zombies and they infect others and we're off.

I can forgive the cheap set and the low budget. Fuck, I can even forgive some bad camera work. What I can't forgive is the following. After a night of "stripping" (I use this term loosely as each girl dances for about a minute, barely gets topless, and are about as sexy as peanut butter up the nose) the strippers from The Grindhouse decide to go to the cafe. There they meet up with the hookers and their pimp. The first half hour of the film is spent on girls who cant act, acting out horribly written "drama" about how strippers have it rough and the perils of being a stripper and whether or not stripping or hooking is worse. It's like a fucking Lifetime movie put on by 3rd graders. This shit bugged me to no fuckin end. It's a fucking movie about strippers vs zombies, i don't need 30 minutes of fucking life lesson exposes from these characters, i need tits and pussy and blood!

At this point we meet the pimp, who's kind of funny, if only because he's edited so badly and so stilted and cliched in his dialog. The editing and shooting on this movie is really rather horrid. A number of times the pimp threatened to slap one of his girls, would raise his arm and then we'd see like 5 seconds of him holding his arm up, doing nothing while waiting for someone to intervene.

So a few hookers get turned into zombies, they turn other into zombies by biting them, the group of strippers and hookers run back to and hole themselves up in the strip club.

We get introduced to a cop who i think I recognized from porn and may be the worlds worst actor.

One of the strippers brothers, who had come to pick her up, is able to get to the lab where the stuff came from and get a vial of antidote, unfortunately in a fight he gets the vial stuck into his stomach and the only way to kill the zombies is for them to bite him so they'll get the "cure" and explode.

There's really no drama as the shoddy nature of the directing pretty much makes every scene with more than 1 person just look all cumbersome and silly. Some of the close up gore is good but the explosions and gunshots are all photoshop and look like it. There might be a few, what you would call average performances but almost everyone in the movie is pretty bad, and not in a good way.

There is no camp, no sexiness, no nothing here to see. Zombies, Zombies, Zombies gets a No, No, No, from me.

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