20 Stars If You Love Dave Foley, 10 Stars If You Have No Opinion Of Him, 0 Stars If You Actively Dislike Him.
Welp shit man, this here film is in a class of it's own. Not funny. Not so shitty it's funny. But also not So shitty it's shitty. No, this film delves into unheard of waters and is so shitty, It's not funny, but it is so shittily unfunny that it's So Shitty it's not funny that it's double shitty and becomes funny in it's unfunny shittyness.
When you have kids getting murdered, monkeys raping Vern Troyer, Dave Foley with his cock out taking a shit, babies getting smashed by trucks, a 400lb woman getting fucked and Taliban and Cult warring factions and you still can't get a laugh or a rise, well mister you've just earned my respect.
It start off fine enough with some decent humor as it sets up letting you know how absurd it's going to be. Then it proceeds to drop about 1000 one liners and bits that elicit no reaction at all. The humor is bad but more than that they act if it's subtle by immediately explaining each joke when it's done or hammering home it's point in case you didn't get it.
There's some funny violence and Dave Foley is always fuckin great and he does as good a job as can possibly be done with the material, getting it over on sheer inflection and deadpan. But the lead has no aura and even more so an anti badass quality about him that you never buy or laugh at him, he's just a dude pretending.
Vern Troyer plays himself in a role seemingly written just so they could say they had Vern Troyer raped by monkeys, which is funny if you think about, but as is the case with all of this film, saying the idea your watching in your head is 100 times funnier than actually watching Uwe Bolls execution of it.
Story is that a dude fed up with his shitty life tries and reconnect with his cult leading uncle and they hatch a plan to save his ministry by hijacking and selling some stuff. Problem is that the Taliban has the same idea. Shootouts that are giant, action packed, and boring as fuck. No movie has ever succeed like this one in making action so boring and jokes so unfunny.
In fact there's a joke with a 5 minute setup near the end of the film that we know is coming and we wait and wait and wait and when it finally happens it just falls dead flat. The fuckin editing sucks too. So much shit is always happening none of it captured in any kind of even mildly endearing way.
Once Foley dies the movie just meanders on for about half an hour in the most brain dead unimaginative fashion until a big laugh comes at the end.
Let me say that i laughed hard at some shit cause it was so raunchy and I'm fucking immature. But I laughed at the baseness itself fully realizing that no matter what context it was in I would laugh so I don't feel the film succeeded even i did laugh.
This here is a film that tries to poignant, raunchy, funny, absurd, action packed and tell a moral and it fails at every single one of them. FAILS WITH AN AMAZING GREATNESS OF FAIL. EPIC, MAGICAL, FAIL.
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