I mean, what in the fuck, of all that is holy, is this fucking thing supposed to be? HOLY SHIT MAN!!
So I'd seen the commercials for this back when it came out and it looked like some sort of Species esque film. And in the interim I've seen some pretty decent reviews for it, so I figured I'd continue Monster Movie Mayhem by giving a major studio film a shot to entertain me. And I cannot at all say that it did not entertain me, but for the love of Christ this might of been the single silliest fucking movie I have ever seen.
So right away I'm excited to see that Adrian Brody is in it, I'm growing fond of the dude.
And then the movie starts. Beware, there is gonna be some major spoiling going on from this point.
Yeah, so Adrian and his girlfriend are super scientists, working on gene splicing and creating new species so that the company they work for can harvest genes and shit, whatever, fine enough setup.
But soon the company wants to move on from research to development, so our rebel scientist decide to quickly do a covert experiment by adding human DNA to their experiments.
What this produces is fucking Muppet that looks like a giant sperm but has a high pitched squeal that sounds cute, so instead of using it for science they start to FUCKING RAISE IT~!!!
They covertly move it around to avoid being caught with it. They try and teach it. They talk to it, feed it, and treat it like a fucking child. It grows, this does not alarm them much. They are forced to move it to a barn, it eats a rabbit raw, this does not alarm them much. It starts to morph into a teenage girl, this does not alarm them much.
I should point out that it's mostly the chick, in the first act, who treats whatever this is as human. The boyfriend is sort of appropriately outraged but he doesn't really do anything to stop her, which is ridiculous. You sort of disagree with your girlfriend about the amount of money you spend grocery shopping, You do not sort of disagree with your girlfriend about raising a mutant hybrid you've created in a lab as a fucking child.
I mean Jesus Christ, the overwrought conversations the two leads have regarding this fucking mutant they've created. It's played for serious, like this is fucking Kramer Vs Kramer but the kid is the fucking thing from Alien. It's so astoundingly absurd that at many points I considered I was watching a parody comedy. But alas, these people making this movie appear to be genuine in their seriousness, which is both gut wrenchingly laughable, and mind numbingly sad at the same time.
So then it get's even better, as, wait for it..............The mutant, now looking like a mix between a teenage girl, a peanut, and a kangaroo.......................SEDUCES ADRIAN BRODY. Yes, it seduces him. They fuck. They fuck with passion.
Ah, but once the couple gets over that little roadblock, they decide they have to end the experiment, that it's gone too far. Something a stoner like me realized about 10 seconds into it's conception.
Alas, by the time they try and put an end to this thing they've created, it has changed sex and grown wings, and the ability to live underground, and fly and kill.
There is an uninspired action sequence to close out the film and a final twist that's easier to see coming than Peter North.
It's quite honestly too god damn silly and funny to not recommend checking out if you're into that sort of thing, but as for what it's intended to be, it fails miserably, like on a mega level.
I can't think of a tag line for this movie that describes it any better than, Holy Shit!
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