2010 Horror Fest: Suicide Girls Must Die: 35 Out Of 100 Stars

This is 25 stars of nice ideas packed into 10 stars of execution.

Another "self filmed" movie. The premise of this one is that the world famous Suicide Girls are shooting their calendar on a remote Maine island, and doing a documentary about it at the same. All the models are equipped with cameras, the cabin is equipped with cameras, of course there is a diary room as well.

If you get turned off by tattoos, or piercings, or any of the stuff Suicide Girls are known for, then you probably aren't even gonna want to bother with this one. If you like them fine enough then you'll enjoy watching them.

Once the whole crew gets to the island we get the first problem with the movie. Within the movie we are treated to photo shoots, like as if they for the actual Suicide Girls Calender DVD. Long, sometimes 5 minute long, scenes of just girls posing and being photographed. It's an interesting concept to disperse these scenes throughout the film but it really takes you out of the narrative, especially when it's happening for the 5th or 6th time.

If you can stick with the film through these departures it's still a fairly enjoyable watch, up until the wretched 3rd act.

Of course there are shenanigans going on on the island and this leads to a wild stretch of "acting" that consists of the dumbest bitches you can fathom yelling "dude", and "fuck", at each other for moments at a time. I'm not even sure there was a proper script in play here as they all seem to be improvising, repeating parts of conversations, spending minutes upon minutes just yelling the same shit at each other over and over.

And then there is the ending which is such a mega fucking cop out. Either make a movie or don't, but don't try and be two things at once and piss on those that invested 90 minutes of their time in your movie.

Not the total wreck that the low score indicates, and if you enjoy looking at these types of girls you can probably bump it up a good 20 points. But the disastrous second half of the film will take away all the goodwill built up in the first half, and then some.

I didn't want these girls to kill themselves, but I sure was glad when they went away.