Monday, March 4, 2013

The Incredible Hulk: 34 Out Of 100 Stars

So I was pretty hyped to sit down and finally watch this. Don't know why the fancy struck me all of the sudden but I said to myself "self, you liked the TV show, you like Ed Norton, let's have a good time".

And then what I had always considered one of the more important aspects of the Hulk character was explained in the 2 minutes the opening credits ran via flashback montage. To say I was peeved would be an understatement.

I'm guessing this movie is based on the comic book lineage and aimed more at the fans of it, but even so, as a movie it's pretty bad. I guess the worst indictment I could give it is that it completely lacks heart. The story, the actors, it's all just going thru the motions. You can almost see the look of resignation on their faces as they deliver lines. They might as well be doing dinner theater for all they seem to care.

There's just so much shit about this movie that annoyed the fuck out of me. I'll start with the effects. I'm of the opinion that Hulk should be man sized. Giant man sized yes, but still man sized. The CGI pissed me off but I knew what that was gonna look like going in and I still kept an open mind. The other big thing was the complete lack of any coherent story or reasoning or forethought or any of that shit. It was just a meandering menagerie of scenes for the sake of scenes.

Top secret radiation weapons being kept in what appears to be a fucking closet that anyone can walk in to. Major body altering super science surgeries being done not in a top secret hospital or building but in a tent behind a shower curtain. Tim Roth who appears to have no motive to do anything but does so with startling vigor. And here's a fucking question for ya, If William Hurt can just create a fucking super solider, what the fuck does he want the Hulk for? I mean, the minute Roth comes out of his first surgery wouldn't you just say "welp, that went good, we'll just make a bunch of you, fuck Banner". But I guess that makes too much sense.

It's just a big dumb action movie with wooden acting, a few cringe worthy attempts at wink wink humor and a story that could fit on the back of a napkin. Fuck this movie.

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