Motherfucker. Got my turkey club, packed my bowl, and sat back for what I hoped would be an afternoon of raunchy uproar. What I got was a lazy fucking movie filled with shit fuck characters who I'd avoid like the plague if they existed in real life.
Jason Sudeikis and Owen Wilson are our main characters. They play two married guys who enjoy looking and thinking about women. This apparently is too much for their wives, played by Christina Applegate and Jenna Fischer. Yes I'm familiar with the old saying that no matter how hot a chick is there's a guy sick of fucking her. But come the fuck on. These two characters ought be grateful for the regular top tier pussy they're getting, instead they act like 3rd graders.
The problem with these 4 characters is that the men act like such imbeciles that you can't respect that they exist. And the women act like they've never seen the way most men behave. It's all such a ridiculous bubble of a premise.
Sudeikis plays a guy who thinks he knows everything there is to know about sex, loves to tell you about it and generally comes off as a total creep fest. We all know this guy and we all go out of our way to get away from him as quick as possible. Wilson meanwhile plays the jewiest fuckin dolt. So much whining and kvethcing and complaining. It's impossible to get invested in characters this fucking dumb, even in a comedy.
So anyway, now that we have the idiotic setup in place, the wives decide to give their husbands a hall pass. A hall pass is a week off from being married. Yes, that sounds like a great fucking idea, especially when you've thought it out for an entire day.
Alright, all of that out of the way there's still some room for some funny shit to happen. And there are a few laughs, unfortunately most of the laughs come courtesy of the supporting cast, mainly from the friends of Wilson and Sudeikis. Even more unfortunate is that these guys are out of the movie rather quickly. JB Smoove has a couple of great lines and the dude from According To Jim has a couple fun moments. But like I said, just when you think this has a chance to be a decent raunchy buddy comedy, the focus turns back to the two leads and their unfunny, stupid, hunt for cunt.
It gets even worse when the film tries to get emotional and sappy. The wives are up in Cape Cod getting fawned over by a minor league baseball team and suddenly it becomes a moral melodrama. I COULD NOT GIVE TWO SHITS IF THESE LADIES GET GANGBANGED BY THE WHOLE FUCKING LEAGUE. Really I couldn't. But we're still treated to tense scenes of will she or won't she, tender inner reflection and sappy fuckin emo folk music that lets us know something serious is going on in this scene. Yay us.
So anyway, on their last night of freedom, the guys hook up with a local stud who shows them the ins and outs and inspires them to go for it. Once again the laughs come more from a secondary character, a dude who works at a coffee shop that Wilson frequents and is pissed off he's hitting on the waitress who works there who he has a thing for.
I'll not spoil the ending and who does or doesn't use their hall pass, but trust me, you wont really give a fuck anyway.
I laughed a time or two, but even the big laughs are underutilized as they seem to be content to show you a dick and let you laugh at it, rather than, Oh I don't know, build any jokes around it.
That's the problem with this whole fucking movie. They think because they say or do something raunchy the viewer is gonna fall out of his fucking chair and deem this the funniest movie they've ever seen. It doesn't work like that.
There's nothing here man, not a fucking thing. I'll stay at my desk, you can keep your Hall Pass.
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