It's been awhile since I've been down to watch one of these Asylum schlock fests. The fact of the matter is that they're all pretty much the same, and can get a bit tedious once you realize you're goofing on the same things in every movie. But with an extended break I decided to re break my cherry and settled in for a doozy of an awful film.
The premise is that a group of college kids, for whatever reason, are spending a semester at sea, apparently somewhere near Polynesia. Their boat gets attacked by a two headed shark and the rest of the film of ensues.
Brooke Hogan is one of the students, looking as manly as ever. Carmen Electra plays a doctor or a scientist or something, I dunno. She is given nothing to do in the movie and still manages to turn in one of the worst acting jobs I've EVER seen. Charlie O'Connell, the brother of the real O'Connell actor, also co-stars, and is pretty awful in his own right.
So ok. Their ship gets damaged by a two headed shark. O'Connell insists that they're sinking, even though in the entire length of the movie the boat doesn't go down an inch and never appears to be taking on water. They spot an Island either very far away or very close, depending on which shot is used in the final cut. For some unknown reason, O'Connell decides it would be a good idea for the students to leave the boat and go to the Island to..........look for scrap metal.
So the students use a life boat to go this Island while a hot blonde girl whose job I do not remember, maybe she was the teacher, goes under the boat to try and weld the hull that has a crack in it. When they get to the island, O'Connell tells them that this is not an island, but atoll, built upon coral, which explains why the island randomly shakes and sinks a little bit. Ok. They find a few buildings on the island but they're empty. Charlie again explains that it's probably only used during fishing season. What other seasons are there in Polynesia? Do they work as accountants the rest of the year?
Alright, so as soon as they get on the island they begin to look for.........boats. Which they find. Two motor boats, that Brooke Hogan "tunes up", because that's her skill or something. A group of students get in each boat and they decide to race. Then the shark attacks one of them and from there it becomes a game of how do we get away from this monster shark.
The characters are pretty non descript except for a muscle head written as broadly as possible. Look at his guns. Then there's the smart one who has a giant nose and an answer for every dilemma. There are a bunch of big titted chicks, including two who decide to fulfill one of the guys dreams by having a 3 way as they stand in about 2 feet of water and get attacked by the shark.
Let's point out, if not discuss in great length, some of the problems with the movie. First of all, the shark is either 30 feet long or 3 feet long, depending on the boat it's attacking. When it's attacking the main boat it's as big as it, but when it's attacking a speed boat, it's smaller than it.
The teeth bend in a lot of the shots that bounce between photo shop and puppetry. Attack victims drain copious amounts of blood in one shot, but are fine in the next shot, then their head gets ripped off, and in the next shot it's still on. This giant shark is somehow able to not only sneak up on people standing in 3 feet of water, but actually get to them. The perspectives are ridiculous as I mentioned earlier. One scene they'll be looking at the boat off in the far distance from the island and the next minute we see a wide shot of the boat about 200 feet from the island. This happens the whole movie. And while it was funny at the moment, it's not really funny when it's intended to be like that. It's funny if the makers of the movie had no money and this is what happens, it's not funny when they have the ability to fix shit like but don't because it's funnier this way. It's really not.
The script is ludicrous of course. The acting is awful and the effects are horrid. But I guess I had fun watching it, mainly because I had someone to watch it with and we both enjoyed pointing out all the dumb shit, but that will only get you so far.
So unless you're stoned or absolutely into this type of film, I don't imagine you could put up with it very long. That being said, if you're looking for an MST3K type of experience, it probably doesn't get much better than this atrocity.
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