Low in budget and running time, it clocks in at 61 minutes, Satans Schoolgirls plays as a comedic, softcore porn, horror hybrid, that pretty much fails drastically in all 3 aspects.
We open with what's supposed to be a satanic ritual but looks more like an emo kid with epilepsy. From there we have a priest masturbating and getting murdered in a way the directors seemed to find much funnier than I did (Outtakes run over the credits).
The story, and i use that term loosely, is that a satanic cult deep in the New Jersey woods was smacked down by the ATF and a Catholic school for wayward girls opened up on the grounds. It sounds vaguely interesting if done right, but this is not done right. At all.
The problem is twofold. Firstly there is obviously almost no budget as every interior seems to be shot in someones very small bedroom. It gives the movie a very fake feeling. The gore is very basic and there are almost no effects short of blood caps and random shots of red fluid dripping on the ground. Hard to be a horror movie when the horror is nonexistent.
The second problem is that the filmmakers don't seem to be making a movie as much as they are a random assortment of unfunny comedic scenes and softcore porn. It's just a hodgepodge of stupidity that really took all the effort I had from turning it off. And the sad thing is that all 5 girls in the movie are pretty hot. I've never been so bored watching hot chicks get naked. And every scene transition features a long shot of headstones in a cemetery. Like, a lot. Like at least 10 times in the movie. By the end I was wanting to jump in one of the graves.
The final scene of the movie is interesting because it turns out the male lead is a damn good actor, too bad for us we had to wait 50 minutes to see him do anything.
Anyway, this junk is barely above a home movie, and not even a good home movie.
Satans Schoolgirls may seem like a fun group to hang out with, but trust me, they'll just bore you to death.
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