Indy, Canadian film from the early aughts starring Corner Gas' Tara Spencer-Nairn. Believing that Mrs. Nairn is one of the ripest pieces that ever my eyes have beheld, I naturally had to give it a look. My dick doth led me astray.
So we got here a movie about a massage joint, starring Tara, another cute bubbly blonde chick and an annoying pixiish, ugly China girl. Unfortunately most of the script is about the ugly Asian. More than that it's a tediously badly written, paper thin story, that isn't helped by most of the actors or the low budget.
There's so much going on here at such a slow pace, most of which makes no sense. Story arcs are brought up and wrapped up a scene later, people laugh incessantly at their own jokes, I mean EVERYONE does it.
Things started off not well when the film opened, and I saw the set for the massage parlor. Set is claustrophobic, lighting was horrible, and then the story starts. The owner brings in a new manager whose job it will be to make sure none of the 3 girls give full service. The girls try to outwit him, but soon bring him into the fold when the Asian offers him money to marry her so she can become a citizen, this all happens within about 20 minutes.
They get married, have a falling out, the good guy manager turns evil for no particular reason or without any real setup. I mean I guess it's OK if he acts like a good guy only around the girls but he has plenty of solo screen time where he obviously isn't a cad, but then suddenly he becomes one because..........well, I guess that's just how the story goes.
The other 2 girls have their own subplots that are sort of just there and then there's a big finale that makes zero sense and seems like it was written by a 7th grader, I'm gonna spoil it so skip ahead if you plan on watching the movie, even though you've been warned not to.
The manager steals the Asian broads money and buys the store himself. The Asian broad then reveals to an immigration officer that she doesn't have working papers, so she's scheduled to be deported. Upon hearing this, the other 2 girls make up a story about being raped and held hostage by the manager/new owner, at which point he is arrested. The chink bitch is so sweet that the immigration officer let's her escape. The movie ends with the girls apparently owning the parlor themselves even though they have no money and why the fuck is an escaped illegal alien just back at her old job like nobodies trying to find her. This all happens in about 15 minutes. In between the beginning and the end there's a lot of boring shit.
There's almost nothing to like about this movie. Even a young Tara Nairn is made to look so rough that it's hard to muster a boner looking at her in tiny outfits. It's all too campy to be sexy, there's hardly any nudity, and very little erotic about the film.
Nothing done in this movie works. The comedy aint funny, the sexy aint sexy and the drama is too ridiculous to give a fuck about.
No need to visit this massage parlor, you'll have a better time jerking yourself off.
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